AN: Short, bitter, little one-shot/songfic. I blame this on my boyfriend being gone. I’m all sad and depressed and most of all lonely! Sorry to lay all of this on you guys but… I’m used to seeing him everyday for the past three years and now he’s gone. It’s been almost five days and I have five more to go. Please don’t think I’m pathetic! I find writing relaxing and comforting and it’s my way of letting out my emotions. Oh and also I listen to this radio show and all they play is slow/love songs (Yes, I torture myself this way on purpose. I‘m a glutton for punishment.) and some of them bring back memories of when we were in elementary school/junior high/high school together. I‘ve known him for ten years… again, please don’t think me pathetic.

Disclaimer: I don’t own GW or its characters or the song.

Lonely

Song: Nobody Knows It But Me

By: The Tony Rich Project

“Walk out that door, Duo Maxwell and you’ll never see me again!” she screamed at him. She was holding her faintly rounded stomach with her right hand while the other pointed an accusing finger at the door.

Duo closed his eyes in anger and frustration. He rubbed his face with his hands and turned angry eyes towards Hilde. His voice was quiet but there was no mistaking the anger he felt at that moment when he said, “I don’t have to do what you tell me! Stop trying to control me, Hilde! I’m not your husband, I’m not your anything! Leave if you want, stay if you want but don‘t expect anything from me.”

Hilde shook her head disbelievingly. She was five months pregnant with his child and he wasn’t her anything? “How can you say that? After all we’ve been through you’re willing to throw all of this away for--”

“For my freedom, Hilde!” he interrupted her. “I can’t stand to be here cooped up with you for one more second! We’re not married, we’re not engaged! What exactly do you want from me?”

Hilde flinched at his words. “We’re going to have a baby, Duo, what do you think I want from you?”

He sighed and rolled his eyes. He grabbed his keys from the table near the door and his jacket from the closet. “Do whatever that hell you like, Hilde. I don’t care. I can’t stand your bitching anymore!” He walked towards the door and slammed it shut behind him.

Hilde looked out the window just in time to see him peel out of the drive way. Tears slipped down her cheeks and she angrily wiped them away. They had a fight like this every other day it seemed. Her bottom lip stuck out and her chin trembled as she cried. God, it was so sad. She’d given this man everything she had since she was fifteen years old and they had been so happy for those short few years. And now here they were, seven years later and they couldn’t stand the sight of each other anymore and with a baby on the way.

She shook her head and made her way to their bedroom.

*~*~*~*

I pretend I’m glad you went away

These four walls close in more everyday

Andy I’m dying inside

And nobody knows it but me

Duo drank his beer as he watched TV. It been two weeks since Hilde left and he was enjoying his freedom to the fullest. He flipped the channels and laughed at what he saw. He finally settled for some comedy that was on some random channel. He was going to have a party the following night and he was going to have fun. Finally. Ever since Hilde had found out she was pregnant she’d turned into some motherly figure who didn’t want to him to drink, go out late or do anything fun. He just didn’t understand her. The baby wasn’t even born yet. He sighed and went back to watching television.

Like a clown I put on a show

The pain is real even if nobody knows

And I’m cryin’ inside

And nobody knows it but me

People still asked him about Hilde, but he just told them that she’d left. He didn’t elaborate, he didn’t say anything else. He didn’t say that he’d been drinking too much since she’d been gone. He didn’t’ mention that he’d been depressed since finding her gone, and he didn’t mention the fact that he was worried about her and the baby. And he would never tell them that he missed her.

They didn’t need to know that. Nobody needed to know that. He knew that and it was enough. His pain was his and his alone. No need to bother anybody else with it. Nobody knew it but him.

Why didn’t I say

The things I needed to say

How could I let my angel get away

Now my world is just a-tumbling’ down

I can see it so clearly

But you’re nowhere around

He didn’t go out as much anymore. Hell, he hardly went out at all. He didn’t find it so hard either. His friends called him to go out and he didn’t say yes. That’s all there was to it. He actually didn’t feel like it anymore.

He absently fingered the little diamond stud on his ear and remembered when he got it. He and Hilde had been strolling around at some shopping center when they saw a tattoo/piercing parlor. “Damn that was years ago,” he muttered to himself as he continued to finger the little earring. Hilde had wanted them to get tattoos, not matching ones but tattoos none-the-less. She’d gotten an intricate design on her back but he’d refused to let his body be marred by something so permanent. He’d chosen to get his ear pierced instead. The coward’s way out, she’d said but it didn’t matter. She’d still thought it was somehow hot and endearing at the same time.

He smiled sadly at the memory.

The nights are lonely

The days are so sad

And I just keep thinking’ about

The love that we had

And I’m missin’ you

And nobody knows it but me

He still refused to let his friends know what was really going on. Nobody needed to know. It was his problem and his alone. Why did everyone assume he wasn’t ok? He was doing fine. He didn’t need their help. He didn’t need their pity, and that’s why he didn’t’ “hang out” anymore as they put it. He just didn’t feel like it. Why couldn’t they understand that he didn’t feel like being with them. He didn’t want to go out drinking or dancing or anything. He just wanted to sit at home and enjoy his freedom. The freedom that had cost him his girlfriend, his baby… and the only real family he ever had. The only family he wanted.

I carry a smile when I’m broken in two

Now I’m nobody without someone like you

I’m tremblin’ inside and nobody knows it but me

I lie awake, its a quarter past three

I’m screamin’ at night

As if I thought you’d hear me

Yeah my heart is callin’ you

And nobody knows it but me

He didn’t sleep much anymore. He looked at the clock to find out the time. A quarter past three. He sighed. Another sleepless night spent thinking about her. But he didn’t mind. He’d rather keep his memories of her fresh in his mind than forget her. It was like rubbing salt in an open wound but he couldn’t let this go. He couldn’t let her go.

How blue can I get

You could ask my heart

But like a jigsaw puzzle its been torn all apart

A million words couldn’t say just how I feel

A million years from now you know I’ll be lovin’ you still

He didn’t know anyone could love someone so much. He didn’t know how much it would hurt to not have her with him. The days went by so slowly. They were torturous and so agonizingly painful and everyday seemed longer than the day before. He wanted to hold her, to kiss her, to just have her there with him. Her warm body next to his for him to take comfort in. All his pain went away when she was there and he would have never imagined how painful it would be if she left.

He knew now. He knew the pain, the sorrow, the loneliness that accompanied abandon. He craved her presence. He wanted her there with him to soothe his fears, to kiss away his emotional pain. God, he never imagined loving someone would hurt so much. He didn’t know what was worse, his loneliness caused by her leaving or knowing that it was his fault she’d left in the first place.

The nights are lonely

The days are so sad

And I just keep thinking’ about

The love that we had

And I’m missin’ you

And nobody knows it but me

Every little thing reminded him of her. Everything in the dingy, old house had her touch, her magic. Everything in there was her. Everywhere he went in the house, memories of Hilde assaulted him.

More salt on the wound. He knew he shouldn’t dwell on this but it was impossible not to. It hurt so damn bad. Her absence hurt so bad. All he wanted to do was hug her and tell her how much he loved her.

He wiped his tears with the backs of his hands. A man shouldn’t cry but he was only half a man if she wasn’t there. She made him whole. She’d taken a big part of him with her and if he didn’t get her back he would forever be a shadow of the man he used to be.

Tomorrow morning’ I’m hittin’ the dusty road

Gonna find you wherever, ever you might go

I’m gonna unload my heart

And hope you come back to me

Said when the nights are lonely...

He had to find her. He had already packed some clothes in a suit case and all that was left for him to do was get an idea to where she could be. He didn’t know where she was but he was going to find her, wherever she might be. He was going to find her and tell her how much he loved her and how much he needed her to be whole.

The nights are lonely

The days are so sad

And I just keep thinking’ about

The love that we had

And I’m missin’ you

And nobody knows it but me

Then End

AN: So, did you guys like this bitter little thing? Made me cry, how about you? Was it sad? I seem to have a knack for making characters suffer. R&R please.