Disclaimer: Not mine. GW belongs to Sunrise, Sotsu Agency and Bandai.
AN: So, here I am with Duo’s fic, depressing title and all. Hope you guys all like this. The song that inspired me is Tocando Fondo by Kalimba (I love him!!!) who has a beautiful voice. I fell in love with his debut single No Me Quiero Enamorar (I Don’t Want to Fall in Love) while I was in Mexico this summer so I had to get his CD when I came back home. He has some English songs too but they’re more upbeat than anything else. I’m a sucker for romantic songs. Anyway, enough about him and why I like thim. I do hope you enjoy this and remember that you can read the other two fics on my site and they’re titled “Painful Confessions” and “The Thought of You”.
Rock Bottom
Estoy tocando fondo
Me niego a estar sin tí
Te tengo que recuperar o de una vez dejarte ir
Estoy tocando fondo, me duele hablar de tí
No quiero disimular el resto de mi vida
Que no me importas más
Tocando Fondo – Kalimba
He could not live like this. It had been
a long time since he and Hilde had parted ways and for the last few months he
had been unable to stop thinking about her. He thought about her day and night
and he could not stop it. And for the life of him, he could not begin to
imagine why, after all this time, he was thinking about her again. Everything
spoke of her. He could not go anywhere anymore without thinking of her. He
hadn’t meant for it to be this way. He hadn’t thought about her in such a long
time, but she was always there in the back of his mind, and now she was just always
there. He tried not to think of her, especially at night, but it was
impossible. Thoughts of her face, her body, her smile chased sleep away. And
those thoughts were always there, ready and willing to cause insomnia. And it
hurt him to think of her. It hurt him to even speak of her. The sound of her
name caused chills to run down his spine and made his skin rise with goose
bumps. Sometimes those same thoughts even brought tears to his eyes. And the
things those thoughts made him do were what scared him because it made him
realize that he still missed her, that he still wanted her. Those were not
thoughts that he should harbor because he had been the one to let go. He had
given up and he had no right to think about her.
He was pathetic. He was worthless. He
did not deserve to conjure up her image in his mind. He had broken her heart
for nothing. There was no reason behind his motive but selfishness. He had
traded a perfect thing for nothing. He had not gained anything in return. He
should forget her but it was impossible. His heart refused to be without her
but it also knew that it was too late. Perhaps what hurt the most was the fact
that he knew he was the one to blame. He was the one that never understood. He
never saw them for what they truly were. What she was to him. Had she forgotten
him, did she love someone else now? Duo wiped a salty tear away with a bitter
hand. He’d hit rock bottom. He scoffed. A new low for him. He had been reduced
to a mass of tears. He could only guess, but he thought that this was how Hilde
must have felt all those years ago when she’d called him. So lost and alone
without a raft to hang on to. Stranded with nowhere to go. Not okay, as she’d
put it that night so long ago. He was not okay.
He was alone. Truly and utterly alone
with no friends and no one to love him. And it was all his fault. He hadn’t
planned it this way, this was not how it was supposed to be. He was going to be
happy, he was going to do what he wanted to do with no one to hinder him and
tie him down. Back then he had felt as if he was being choked and the rope
around his neck would not give. He had believed that he was doing the right
thing because he wasn’t happy. And he wanted to be happy and he wanted her to
be happy and he didn’t think that would happen with him. She never talked about
it but he knew what she wanted. She wanted marriage, a house, a big family but
he didn’t. He was fine leaving things as they were but he knew that if he
stayed longer he would eventually give in to what she wanted. And the little
house with the children and the dog that she wanted would end up being the end
of him. He would end up bitter and hating everything and everyone around him.
And it hadn’t been hard to walk away once his mind was made up. In fact, it was
one of the easiest things he’d ever done.
How was he to know that he’d end up bitter all the same, and wishing he’d thought things through for a bit and maybe talked things over with her. And now he was alone and obviously going insane because a sane person didn’t spend so many sleepless nights thinking about things that had been over and done with for a long time. His life hadn’t ended up the way he’d planned at all. The complete opposite of what he wanted, in fact. He didn’t want to go on pretending that he didn’t care about her, that he didn’t think about her all the time. That it didn’t hurt him to be without her. He didn’t want to pretend that the death like silence and stillness in his home was a replica of what lay in his heart. The emptiness in his house mirrored the one inside him. He didn’t feel like pretending for the rest of his life. There was only two ways to ease the ache he felt. He had to either get her back or let her go once and for all.
He didn’t like either one of his options. The first one because he knew there was a snowball’s chance in hell it would happen and the second one because it would hurt too much. Maybe he was destined to live like this for the rest of his life. Paying for his foolish mistake in the only way fate could collect her dues. Alone and without her.
The End.
AN: Please review! Tell me what you thought of it. I must get back to my
Brazilian soap opera now, I want to visit so I hope to learn Portuguese at
school soon. Anyway, please review.