The Sun You Seek

AN: If you’re wondering why the chapters are spaced like this it is because I don’t like the way it looks when you save it as html on this program. Believe me, it’s easier to read if it’s double spaced.

Chapter Five

“Well that was uncomfortable,” said Hilde throwing herself on the bed. She looked at Heero. “So, what did you think?”

Heero just looked at Hilde. “I don’t know. What about you?”

“Oh don’t even get me started. All that ass hole wanted was to tell me that I should sell my company. He could have asked me that on the phone, I would have said no, but still!” She rubbed her face with both her hands. “Oh God, how could I have been so stupid? I fall madly in love with this great guy and give him part of my company and what does he do? He cheats on me with this best friend’s girlfriend! I end up broken hearted trying to get on with my life and he wants me to sell my company so he could make some money!”

“He doesn’t want you to sell, he wants you to think about merging with another company. It could be a good thing. You will get much more exposure and more money.”

Hilde bit her lip. “What?” asked Heero.

“It would mean working with him sometimes, you know?” she finally said. “Heero, he hurt me so much. I don’t even want to see him again.”

“Hilde, we have to move on with our lives, and I have the feeling that you can’t let go.”

“I’ve accepted that he loves her, Heero! I know he does, I know he thought he loved me but he didn’t! I know all of this, you don’t have to tell me. It’s just that he’s the only guy I’ve ever fallen for, and I won’t lie to you, if he had come back to me two months after we broke up, I would have taken him back! I just can’t get passed the fact that he lied and cheated! That is what I can’t get over.”

“But you-- I don’t... I think I’ve taken it better than you. Yes it hurt, but I can’t let that ruin my life. It made me afraid of relationships, and that’s why I label our relationship as ‘friendship’ but I can’t let that pain keep me from something that I know will bring me benefits.”

Hilde sighed. “This will mean you will be seeing Relena. Will you be able to handle that? Will you be able to turn away when they kiss? When they hug? When they say ‘I love you’?” she said looking at him.

His eyes turned downcast. “I’ll try.”

“It’s going to hurt, Heero.”

“But not as much as before. It’s been a year and a half, Hilde.” He shook his head. Seeing her hadn’t affected him as much as he’d thought. He had been able to turn away, to hide his feelings. “Life is full of pain, Hilde. We can’t expect to live lives full of happiness all the time. Things happen.”

“But I don’t want to live in constant pain.” She sighed. “I just want to meet somebody. I do want to get on with my life. I need to, I know. Maybe I should get back to dating and so should you. We should go out to a club tonight, Heero.”

“You know that’s not really my scene. Remember what happened last time?”

“Yeah so we got drunk and ended up having sex, like that’s never happened before,” she said with a wave of her hand.

“No that! I got into a fight with some guy, remember?” he said giving her a strange look.

She smiled sheepishly. “Oh that time! I remember!” She stopped smiling and looked up at him. Seriously she said, “Why do we always end up in bed with each other Heero?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. Why do we never talk about it? In the morning we act as if nothing ever happened,” he said quietly.

“Because it doesn’t ruin our friendship, I guess. How did we even become friends? I didn’t even talk to you before... that happened. I’d only seen you when you came over to hang out with Duo. Anyway, getting back to why we never talk about our sexual relationship. I have no idea. Maybe because we are so familiar with each other and we don’t want to just have a one night stand, something that doesn’t mean anything to us with somebody we don’t know.”

“But you and me don’t have meaningful sex. If I get what you’re saying, then we only have sex because we don’t have anybody else, that is familiar to us, to have sex with when we’re horny. And we do it because at least we care for each other because we’re friends. Is that what you’re saying?”

“I guess,” she said and shrugged. “I don’t know, Heero! Are we going to the club or downstairs to the bar or what?”

“I’m not up to going to a club. Don’t feel like dancing. Why don’t we go to the movies and then to dinner or the other way around? Why? You feel like getting a little drunk? You know we can just go out and then get it on,” he suggested with a smile.

She ignored that last part. “Okay, we’ll go to the movies. As long as I don’t have to stay here. Then I’ll think and think and I’ll go nuts,” she said. Her face suddenly lighted up into a mischievous smile, “Unless, I can convince you to stay here and we can... do more interesting things. You know, because we’re friends and everything...” It was her turn to tease.

He smiled, she had never suggested they stay home and do... anything. It was always spur of the moment stuff like, ‘Oh since we’re here we might as well go ahead,’. He laughed and answered, “Let’s go to the movies, what to ya want to watch?”

“I don’t know, what are you in the mood for? I don’t know if I’d rather watch Queen of the Damned or something mushy like A Walk to Remember. What do you want to watch?”

“Whatever I don’t care,” he said turning around to go to the bathroom. “But you better have decided when I get out of that bathroom.”

*~*~*~*

Hilde was crying her eyes out during the movie. She was at the part where Jamie, was telling Lamden that she had leukemia and that she had stopped responding to treatments. Heero just looked at her. Hilde’s legs were bent, her arms were resting on her knees and she was crying like she was the one that was going to die. She bit her lip. “You okay?” he asked.

Hilde nodded. “It’s just that their relationship was too good to last. I knew it, one of them was going to die,” she whispered. He smiled and put his arm around her. She lifted up the armrest of the seat and rested her head against his shoulder. He smelled really good, and there was always that something that attracted her to him. Sexually attracted her. Maybe she needed a steady boyfriend. Something in the back of her had said, ‘What about Heero?’ She sighed and looked up at him. That feeling of attraction kicked in. She lifter her hand to put her hand around his neck and pulled him down for a kiss. She surprised herself, they had never done anything that would be considered more than friendly in public. Their other relationship was always kept behind closed doors.

Heero kissed her back. He had never denied her that, just like she always kissed him back, but a strange feeling took hold of him. It pushed for him to kiss Hilde back, not caring if a million people were watching.

The rest of the movie was ignored. Neither of them wanting to break the other’s embrace. Their light kisses became heated. “I don’t want to do it at the movies,” whispered Hilde in between kisses.

Heero broke their kiss and looked at her. “Why would we?”

“You aren’t the least bit experimental,” she whined.

“It’s not that, but you’re the one who said you wanted to go dancing. I’m just complying with your wishes.”

“Okay, but let’s not go dancing anymore. Let’s take a walk in the park, have a little picnic of sorts,” she suggested.

“Mmm... I’m not too hungry, can we skip the picnic and just take a walk in the park?” he asked looking down at her blue eyes.

“Okay, but let’s leave right now, I don’t think I could take it to see the girl die or whatever.”

The two young people got up and left the theater. Hilde and Heero walked out and headed for Heero’s rental car. They drove off to a park nearby. It wasn’t dark yet, but the sun was starting to give signs of setting. “I love weather like this and this time of the day, don’t you, Heero?”

“I guess, but the weather doesn’t change much in LA, does it?” he asked her.

“I guess not, I’ve never been here for more than a week though, so I don’t know.” They walked closely together, side by side not quite touching. Hilde felt the urge to take hold of his hand and walk hand in hand. She fought the urge and looked up at his face. His hair was still slightly spiked, she was surprised at that. His hair was unruly, stubborn... just like he was. Unconsciously, her hand reached out for his and she intertwined their fingers.

Surprised, Heero looked down at her, their eyes held for a moment before both of them looked away in embarrassment, but their hands still held each other’s. They walked in silence for about five minutes, the silence wasn’t unwelcome, both their minds swimming with strange thoughts. He risked a glance her way. She was looking straight ahead, the sinking sun made her pale skin take an olive tone almost. ‘Damn... I never noticed how pretty-- how beautiful-- she is,’ his mind said. He studied her features, her delicate nose, her full, pink lips. Lips that had kissed him so many times in more than one place... Her shoulder length hair was now dry, the light wind keeping it away from her face.

Hilde was aware that Heero was watching her, he had been for a while now. A slight blush crept to her cheeks. She smiled slightly and squeezed his hand briefly.

A knot formed in Heero’s stomach at her actions. ‘Is it happening again? Can this happen again?’ his mind asked. He stopped abruptly and pulled her into his arms. “I don’t know what’s happening,” he said. “I don’t know what this is, but I don’t want it to stop. I need you...” he trailed off.

She sighed and buried her head in his chest. “I think I love you,” Heero whispered.

She took a deep breath, “Is that such a bad thing?”

“No, but it will be if you don’t feel the same way. I don’t think I could take--”

Hilde interrupted him by placing two fingers on his lips. “And what if I do? We’ve both been alone for so long, Heero. And I’m afraid of making a mistake, could we be making a mistake?” she asked him.

“That’s a chance that... a chance that we can take, if you feel the same way. Do you love me, Hilde?” he whispered in her ear.

“I think I do. Let’s take our time.”

“Let’s not rush into anything. I swear that I would never do anything to hurt you, Hilde. That’s not an empty promise, I swear. I know what it is like to be cheated on, and I would never do it to you.”

“Me too, I know all too well what it is like to be on the receiving end. I promise.”

They kissed, tenderly and walked deeper into the park.

When they got back to the hotel, neither of them was sure if they should sleep in the same room that night. Hilde took the chance and kissed him, then asked if he wanted to come in. He smiled at her and complied.

That night was the first time Hilde and Heero made love. Before it had been just sex for mutual satisfaction. This time it was slow and sweet, full of promises both of them hoped they could keep. The morning would change nothing.

*~*~*~*

Relena and Duo were cuddled together watching an old movie. Their minds, however, were not on the movie. Relena’s mind was in the way Heero had held Hilde at the restaurant. She had hated Hilde for a long time, before she and Heero had found out about her and Duo. When Duo had moved in with her, that hate had stopped. A dull ache settled in her heart now that she knew that Hilde had Heero.

Duo was a different story. He wanted Hilde to be happy, but not with Heero. Knowing that Heero slept next to her at night angered him. Hilde would always be his, he was her first...


tbc...

AN: Yes, I know it’s been a while (sorry), but I have writer’s block! Please review!