Hey minna!
You know, I'm so damn used to
posting three or four chapters a night that I almost feel a little guilty for
having only one tonight. OH! And gomen for not posting on Sunday like I
promised! Another patented Sabichan Whoopsie-ma-daisy!
Just a few words for ya.
First off, I have to announce that
Carrie has turned out to be my evil twin.
Not only does she live in
Philadelphia, She's also a catholic school victim and has had the dreaded
"Look at me, I'm not wearing shorts!" happened to to her. And
she happened to mention the THREE things i miss most about Philly :("suck
good!") pretzels, cheesesteaks and Tastycakes. YUUUMMMMYYYYY!!!!
I was born in Philly, went to
catholic school (only seven years for me) and I'm only a year older than her. Yep,
that's an evil twin alright. Why is she evil? Because she has the keen
ability to point out my spelling, grammar and age mistakes! Perfectionists hate
being corrected!
But honestly, I am so thankful
Carrie! You've been so much help as well as my biggest supporter. Keep on
rambling and reviewing and I'll keep writing! YAY CARRIE!
Also thanks to everyone who's
reviewed, old and new, you guys are so awesome! Everytime I get nervous about a
chapter, you all just give me so much support, and I can't tell you how much I
appreciate it. If I could actually send you chocolate I would!
Untraditional
pairings....ummm...I'll think about it. Not too much of a fan of those to be
honest. But I'm doing this to improve my writing ability and I'd love to write
you a story, if you ask.
Sorry, no yaoi. I have no idea how!!
There will be a whole freaking
smorgasbord of updates this week, starting tomorrow, most likely in the afternoon,
say around two pm Cali time.
You've all waited so nicely and so
patiently for a Sabichan happy ending, and I will not disappoint!
Starting tomorrow...Be prepared!
Ja ne!
~Sabichan~
*Hitomi Higurashi POV*
I can hear him crying in my
daughter's room. It took him a few days to let it all out, but he finally broke
down. Stirring my tea, I sigh and bring my eyes back up the woman sitting
across from me.
She can hear him, too...
Kikyo had been sitting quietly in
the kitchen that morning when I awoke. The first thing that she said to me was,
"She wanted me to tell
you how much she loves you all."
For a moment there, my heart had
stopped. A thousand horrible possibilities had flooded my mind, but she seemed
to calm them all with a single smile. Then she told me she'd left, all on her
own.
Don't think me a horrible mother
when I tell you how relieved I was.
I had suspected for some time that
Kagome would go off on her own. She was nothing short of a free spirit, and
always had been. After all, she was the spitting image of my late husband, and
she shared many of his traits.
Kikyo had left soon after, taking
the small amount of money I gave her to help her get back on her feet. She
promised she would come back some day, but that day wouldn't be for a very long
time. I was sad to see her go...
I probably should have told them
earlier that Kagome was gone. But I had been in such a state if shock that
entire day, I wasn't even capable of talking, let alone to them.
But Sango had shown up the next
morining, wondering why Kagome hadn't called in so long. Those two had bonded,
fused together from the moment they met. During the month following Kagome's
birthday, they had spent everyday together, sharing clothes, laughing, living. Although
my daughter was not complete, she did her best to live around it, and build up
her friendship with the quirky girl.
They usually called each other every
couple of hours, just to gab like girls often do. But Kagome hadn't called, and
Sango had been worried....
It's been a week now.
Just a few hours ago, Shiori
Shingetsu and her son had shown up at my door. I wasn't sure how to react at
first. This was my first time meeting his mother. But the wordless pleading in
his eyes had been enough for me, and I had invited them in for tea. Inuyasha
declined, instead asking if he could see Kagome's room.
I'm not sure why he wanted to. I
don't think he even knew. But I did not hesitate to let him go. After
all he's been through, I couldn't deny him that simple favor. We let him be
alone, and for about five or six minutes, he had been fine, quiet. Then we
could hear the chocked sob, inwardly wincing with the sound of each of his
ragged breaths.
Still, as we sit here listening to
him pour out his pain, we both seem to know better than to go to comfort him We
both know he just needs this right now.
"He's such a sweet boy...I knew
it the moment I walked in the door, and saw him sitting next to my
daughter." She gave a faint smile and nodded.
"He is...I can't take too much
credit for that though. He pretty much raised himself for the past eleven
years."
"You're his mother. Your
presence alone is enough."
She sipped her tea daintily, and I
studied her troubled expression.
"How did you do it? How did you
get by without him?"
"My husband?"
"Yes. How...."
I took a deep breath and thought
about her question. It was a good one, and it made me think.
"I guess...because I believed
he never fully left me. This place, this is where Seikai grew up, and his
spirit remains here no matter what. I feel peace, knowing he is inside each of
my children, knowing that I will always have him in my heart as well."
Slow, glistening tears began to
stream down her face, and I reached to take her hand comfortingly.
"I envy you, Hitomi. I really
do. Why couldn't I be stronger? If not for myself, at least for my sons?
Why couldn't I bring myself to live without him?"
"I have to be honest with
you...I think that if our places were switched, that I would not have acted
any differently than you. You...you
lived without any closure, never knowing whether the only man you'd ever loved
was even alive anymore. I at least got to see my husband buried. You had no
such luxury. All you had were memories and questions. If anything, I envy your
ability to stay alive all these years. I would have been dead a long time
ago."
She laughed bitterly, hastily wiping
away her tears.
"I've lived as a ghost all this
time. I've been nothing to anyone, only a burden. I can't stand to even hear
myself cry anymore. It's all I've been good for, and I'm sick of it. I don't
want to be this way anymore..."
"Then don't." Was my
simple reply. It seemed to shock her. "Don't let this break you. It's not
too late for you to live again, you're still a young woman, and you have your
family to support you. It's not the end for you, not by far." She cracked
a faint smile and squeezed my hand.
"It scares me...Seeing Inu so
depressed, hearing him crying, knowing I can't do a damn thing about it. Now I
know what he's felt all these years with me. I can't imagine how he still finds
it in his heart to still call me his mother. I'm almost afraid I don't remember
how to even be one. I don't know where to go from here..."
"When Seikai died, I felt lost.
I felt shattered, like the world was at it's end. I remember how much I used to
cry, sometimes all night. Then I remember one day, finally leaving my room and
Kagome was nowhere to be found. I searched and searched, but she was gone
without a trace. Eventually, I realized I knew exactly where she was. She was
talking to her father, at his grave, not too far from here. I could hear this
little voice speaking to no one. She didn't seem to even notice that she wasn't
getting a reply. "
"Finally she looked up and saw
me. I asked her who she was talking to, and she said plain and simple, `I'm
talking to Daddy'. The look on her face...she was so content, and for once in
what seemed like an eternity...I didn't want to cry. I wanted to hold my
daughter and listen to her, talking to her father like he'd never left. That....that's
when I started to heal. Now, Shiori, even though it's been so long, you have to
understand you just needed more time to get to that point...now this is
your time to heal."
As I finished speaking, we both
realized that he had stopped crying, and the house was quiet. In any other
situation, it would have been tense, but not now...
Shiori and I, we felt connected
right then. We were widows, the women left behind, the imperfect half of a once
perfect love. Pain had been our constant companion, living in the world on our
own, both knowing we would not be growing old with the man we had dreamed of.
It's depressing to think about. Wondering
if maybe we would have had more children. If maybe we would have died together,
side by side like we had planned when we were young. If we would have kissed
each other with the same spark on our fiftieth anniversary as we had on our
first...Yes there were a lot of maybes.
But life is all about "what
if". It is the most common thought, the most common root of guilt. The
hardest thing to learn is that you will never know what would have happened if
you had chosen differently, or if Fate had dealt you a kinder hand.
The only thing you can do is move
on, and hope with your entire heart and soul that things will turn out better
the next time, or that you will choose more wisely.
The only thing you can really do in
life is live...
Holding the hand of the kindred soul
across from me, I could tell she was also feeling the immense peace that had
somehow fallen over my home. We smiled again, and we both sighed deeply,
letting our fears and doubts spill out of us with each breath, like the steam
rising from the tea that sat before us.
My father checked on Inuyasha for
us, and found he was sleeping soundly on her bed. He then walked outside to
meditate, but neither of us missed the pained expression on his face as he
walked away. We were left alone again, both almost dreading the thought of
waking the poor boy up.
No...he needed some peace.
We talked for hours. She told me
about what had become of her husband, and how her oldest son Sesshomaru had
found him. After a few minutes of fighting back tears, she continued to speak,
talking about how she had met her husband, about that jewel their family held
so dear. I was beyond shocked to discover the link between our families, the
legend of the miko and half-demon...it had always been Kagome's favorite...
I took her out to show her the
Goshinboku, explaining the part it played in our histories. As we sat on the
bench, I took my turn, and told her all I could remember about my Seikai.
We had been high school sweethearts,
that same old story. Of course it had a different sort of ring to
it with him being a priest and all. I
told her about how he had proposed to me right beneath this very tree, that I
was sitting in the very same spot as I was now.
We laughed, we let out a few tears,
and we shared each other's burdens for a while. Sango and Miroku had shown up
some time later, and volunteered to get Inuyasha up and back home. As we
watched the three of them walking towards the steps of the shrine, we were
silent. We could feel the waves of pain rolling off not only him, but Sango as
well. Kagome had been her first real girl friend. It was no doubt hard on her
too.
We retired to the kitchen once more,
and we once again fell into a conversation, this time about the man who was
currently courting her. Naraku Warui.
I had always had mixed feelings
about the man. After all, he was the father of the monster who had terrorized
my daughter for years. I also felt he was part of the reason she left as well. As
much as I wanted to dislike the man though, I could not help but feel sorry for
him. His wife had left him, his best friend had died, and his son was not far
from insane. And he had been alone through all of this.
If anyone had had it hard, it had
been him.
He had always been kind on each
occasion that we met. I could tell by the way he spoke of her that he thought
the world of my daughter. That of course was always a plus in my book for him.
I watched Shiori's eyes light up as
she spoke of him. He seemed to have quite a high opinion of her as well.
As I listened to her thinly veiled
requests for advice on what to do, I had to smile. At least she was getting a
second chance to love. What had happened to her was beyond unfairness, it was
simply cruel. If anyone deserved a second chance, it was her and Naraku.
And what better way for them to live again, than to do so with each other.
An hour later, we met up with Faye
Houshi at her restaurant. After a most wonderful dinner, we shared a few
glasses of wine, and more than a few secrets.
I can't describe how good it felt to
be out. I hadn't had friends like this since I was my Kagome's age! As the
three of us bonded, they constantly brought her up, citing how wonderful she
was, and how much she had changed their lives, simply with her presence, and
how much they already missed her.
I didn't cry. I couldn't. Although I
worry greatly about her, I know that Kagome is more than capable of taking care
of herself. And after all her father is looking after her, no matter where she
is right now.
I don't know how long she'll be
gone. I do know she'll come back. This is her home, and
sometimes...sometimes a mother just knows...
I know my daughter. She tells me
everything. She always has.
While I wish I could have said
goodbye, right now, more than anything I wish I could say thank you. I want to
thank her for being who she is, for being strong, and for making so many people
so happy. I want to thank her for changing so many lives, and somehow, after
knowing everything about her for her whole life, for managing to change even
mine.
Come home soon, Kagome...
I know, I had to throw in a little
more sadness for ya. I just wanted you to have a glimpse of what Hitomi is
going through, as well as Shiori.
I was feeling a bit philosophical
when I wrote this, so I hoped I stayed on track. Tomorrow, expect big changes
and a lot of laughs. It seems that things are looking up for our
lovebirds...
How?
Well I didn't stick Sesshy in here
for nothin! Sometimes the best source of comedy is one you least
suspect.
If you get a chance, please take
time to read Whitewavereborn's "Courtship". She originally had it on
Mediaminer.org, and has graced us all with her decision to post it here on our
quaint little hentai sanctuary! Trust me, you will love it!!