Okay, a lot happens in this chapter, and I can be honest and say I cired writing some of it. Very emotional. May not be what you were expecting...

Okay, got kind of a important note first. I was editing and wrote a new chapter last night, and I realized that I didn't like where one of our characters was going. But I got a great idea, and I'm going to need to do a tad bit or rewriting. Yes I know you're all thinking "Whatever bitch, just tell me how this affects me!!"

Well, I need to slow down my posting a bit. I may not be able to post every night, but more like every other night, I'm not sure. We'll see how fast I can get this thing finished so I can give you guys some more. But I am a perfectionist when it comes to writing, so please bear with me.

I also wanted to thank you all for being so great and for reading this story. I spent and still spend a lot of time on this particular fic, and just so ya know, I'm not much of a day time person. That's why I post so fucking late. But that means, I can only really write when it's nice and dark. So after I post for you kids here, I sign off, and write as much as I can until I finally pass out. I'm not complaining mind you, I'm just telling ya why you have to wait all day for me to give you all what you really want!

You are all the reason I work so hard, and this is all for your entertainment and joy. I've read so many fics of your's, and this is me saying thanks and sorry for not reveiwing all those times.

Love ya all!

Ja ne!

~Sabichan~

She's got a smile that heals me

I don't know why it is

But I have to laugh when she reveals me

She's got a way about her

I don't know what it is

But I know that I can't live without her any way...

*I POV*

The strained silence combined with the intensity of Kagome's stare were too much to take.

"You should sit down. This is kind of a long story." She finally complied, keeping her distance as she sat on the other side of her bed.

"I know how bad that looked out there, Kagome. But you have to understand first and foremost, I didn't kiss her, it was the other way around. I...I was in shock, I should have pushed her away, but I...I couldn't and then you came-"

"Why was my aunt kissing you?" Her voice was so small and childlike, and I could hear the slight tremor.

"Because...I know her."

"How? She's been gone for years, and I haven't even known you for one."

"It was a long time ago, Kagome. I was ...I was sixteen."

She gasped, but I couldn't bear to bring myself to look at her. It wasn't too hard to put it all together.

"You mean...Kikyo...She was..."

"Yes. She was the one I told you about."

Silence.

I finally found the courage to look at her. She was staring at her clasped hands, visibly shaking from her attempts not to cry.

"Please let me explain. You have to understand what happened back then."

She nodded, never lifting her eyes. I struggled to put my thoughts in order, making sure not to say the wrong thing like I had done a month ago. Then again, there was no easy way to tell her about this.

"I... I was so alone. My mother cried every night, and all I could do was lie awake and listen to her. I felt so trapped, and I was so jealous of Sess. He was free, he didn't have to come home after working two jobs and deal with it. I was only sixteen, I wasn't supposed to be an adult yet. I was still a kid. But I didn't have any choice. Faye, Mushin, every one did their best, but everyone was going through hard times. Business was bad, Shippo was really sick. We hadn't hired Sango yet. I didn't have anyone at all.

"Then I came home from work this one night and there was this woman moving in. She had all these boxes and was trying to carry then all herself. So I helped her. She was moving into the apartment right above mine. She was thirty-four, and she had just gone through a nasty divorce."

"He used to hit her all the time." She added quietly. "My grandfather gave her money to find somewhere to live. She couldn't stay here because he knew where she'd be. It was horrible. I felt so bad for her." She brought her eyes up to mine and scooted closer to me. I inhaled and the scent of strawberries hung thick in the air. "Go on."

"Well she invited me in afterwards, and we talked. Well, I mostly just listened at first, but she kept hinting, like she knew there was something wrong with me. I didn't say anything, but she invited me to come over the next night. You have to understand, she was new there, and she'd been through so much. I felt sorry for her, but I also felt...a connection. We were kind of similar. So I said yes. I kept coming back every other night, and she'd tell me her problems, then I'd tell her some of mine. She admitted that she could hear my mother crying at night too. So then I told her everything. About my father, my brother, Naraku, myself. About how lonely I was. Then...then everything between us changed."

"How?" She reached over and took my hand. I was silent for a moment, just enjoying her touch that I

had been deprived of for what seemed like an eternity.

"She changed. She started acting funny. Like she was flirting with me. And then she started dressing different, and talking different. She was being very...seductive I guess. I wasn't sure, I mean I had no experience whatsoever with women. She was...the first. The first to ever be interested in me. I didn't know what to do, so I started to avoid her, but she just keep showing up. She came to the restaurant sometimes, but I never told anyone but Miroku about her. Then one night, she started talking about how I was...so grown up for my age. She started asking if I was ummm a virgin and things like that. Then she said she could fix that if I wanted her to. That's when she tried to kiss me."

"Tried?" She cocked her head and I had to bite back my smile. She was so...gorgeous. She had healed so well. She squeezed my hand and I snapped back to attention.

"Yeah.. I left, I ran. I stayed at Miroku's that night, and he didn't even tell Faye I was there. I just needed to get away, I had to think. But I had to come home eventually. I...I should have gone straight there..."

"You went back?" She asked in disbelief.

"Please!" I took both her hands and gazed into her eyes. "You have to understand what I was going through, Kagome. I was alone. She was the only one who seemed to want me. I thought I..."

"You thought you were in love with her?"

"No." I said without a moments hesitation. It was the truth.

"But then..."

"No, I knew I didn't love her. But I just didn't want to be alone anymore. Please under-"

"I do. What happened next?" Her voice had gone somewhat flat, as if preparing herself for the worst.

"I went back, and she was waiting for me. And we...she started to ...But I, I couldn't do it. There was too many consequences, it just wasn't right. I wanted to wait for the right person, for it to be special. But she was just looking for sex. I realized it, and I left right away. I mean didn't even bother getting dressed again, I just ran out." She cracked a faint smile. " I didn't talk to her again after that. That's when she started seeing that other guy. She...she used to try and rub it in too, tried to `show me what I was missing'. She used to be so loud, and she knew I could hear them. A month later, she married him, and I never saw her again."

She let the story sink in a for a few moments.

"I can't believe things turned out this way. I can't believe it had to be my aunt. How twisted is that? How unfair is that? The Gods must really hate me." She said softly as she shook her head.

"Kagome. I came here today for a reason."

"I know. I know about the jewel Inuyasha. I talked to your mother."

I looked at her in shock.

"You did?'

"Sango dragged me over there. She told me why you gave me the jewel. She told me what it means

to you. What I mean to you."

She leaned her head against my shoulder, and I pulled her close, reveling in the fact that I was once again holding her. I whispered softly, my heart pounding at what I was saying.

"I mean it Kagome. I love you." She didn't answer for a few moments, and I held my breath, waiting for her reaction.

"How do you know, Inuyasha?" Her tone was flat, indecipherable.

"I...just know. Ever since the first day at the bus stop. Something happened, you changed me. I've never felt this way before, Kagome." More silence.

"Inuyasha." She lifted her head and turned her gaze on me. She was crying.

"Shhh. Please don't cry...I can't stand to see you cry." I said, wiping away her tears.

"Inuyasha. I can't do this anymore."

The moment the words left her mouth, My heart just stopped. It seemed like the whole world around us held it's breath. I didn't understand.

"W-What?" I asked, staring at her in pure disbelief.

"I-I can't love you back. This just isn't right, Inuyasha. Not after my aunt. Not after Kouga. There's just too much...that I can't deal with." I shook my head in disbelief.

"Kagome...we...y-you just need some time to adjust to this, and I swear, I'll wait for as long as you need me to!"

"No... I just can't make you wait that long. I don't know if I'll ever get over this. I can't kiss you knowing she already has. I can't be with you, knowing she was there first. I can't love you knowing that she still does."

She tore out of my arms then and walked to her door. Stiffly, she opened it, and staring at the ground asked me to leave.

"Please go. It's for the best."

I walked over to her, grabbing her shoulders.

"Look at me Kagome, please! You can't do this. We...we're meant to be together. I love you. I've never loved Kikyo, I was never with her. Please, just give me a chance to-"

"We're not meant to be, Inuyasha. We were never meant to be. Leave."

"Kagome!"

"GET OUT!" She screamed suddenly, pushing me roughly. I stumbled backwards in shock and she took that opportunity to slam the door shut and lock it.

I threw myself against it, pounding with my fists, begging her to open it.

"Please, don't do this, Kagome! Please don't leave me alone again! Please, please let me in. Please don't do this again..." I slumped against the door in defeat, barely able to make out her sobs on the other side.

I couldn't believe this was happening. I had been so close, so close to being with her. She had understood me, and why I had done the things I had done. I had told her I loved her.

And she had pushed me out.

I vaguely heard someone calling my name. I looked up to see Sango and Miroku standing at the top of the stair, worry etched into their faces. I closed my eyes and started to beg again.

"Kagome, I love you! Please just let me love you. I promise, no more secrets, no more, just please let me back in. Let me in. Let me love you..."

I began to pound again, my desperation rising when I realized I was getting nowhere. Miroku placed a hand on my shoulder, but I pushed him away, and continued to beat the door. Before I knew it, Kagome's grandfather, Souta and Miroku were dragging me down the stairs, inch by inch, away from the only woman I'd ever loved- the only woman I would ever love.

I gave up once they had pulled me through the kitchen past a teary-eyed Hitomi. I slumped over on the grass and looked up once more at the God tree towering nearby. The wind whipped through it violently, the rustling of the leaves almost deafening. Almost like it was protesting. Yet another tragic story had unfolded beneath it's boughs, Yet another love undone.

The drive home was long and dead quiet, other than my sniffling. Sango had stayed behind, promising me she would try to talk some sense into Kagome.

Once home, I headed straight for my room, locking the door behind me, ignoring Miro as he pleaded for me to talk to him.

An hour later, I heard him leave.

I just laid there on my floor staring at the ceiling as I let ever tear I'd held in since I was ten come out.

I had gone to the shrine today in hopes of beginning a new life with Kagome at my side.

Now...all I could think about was how to end it.

It wasn't worth it anymore. If anything, she was right. It was too much.

I had no father. I had no brother. My mother was falling in love with his best friend. Kikyo had shown up at the worst possible moment. And Kagome had told me she couldn't love me back.

What the hell did I have to live for anyway? Another day of an endless routine, working, working, loneliness and tears. What the fuck was I doing anyway?

I was nothing, and I never would be anything. I had already tried and failed miserably.

Not even Miroku could save me now.

I didn't eat or sleep at all that night. There was no reason to. I just laid in bed, thinking wistfully about how things might have been, if my father had not vanished, if Sess was still home, if Kagome had found me first.

Early the next morning, still wide awake on my bed, I heard the front door open and light footsteps come down the hallway. They stopped in front of my door.

"Inu?" Sango's voice floated through.

I could already tell what she was going to say.

"It's over, isn't it Sango?"

"Let me in please."

"I don't want you to see me like this."

"I've seen you worse, please let me in."

"I begged her to let me in. To let me love her. She wouldn't answer me. Did she answer you Sango?"

Silence from the other side of the door. I sighed and unlocked it.

She stood there stiffly, not bothering to bring her eyes up from the floor. But I hardly noticed as I was far more interested in what she held in her outstretched palm.

The Shikon no Tama.

She walked in and immediately wrapped her arms around me.

"Oh Inu, I'm so sorry."

I just let my tears fall without a word. We stood there, my body limp in her desperate embrace.

"I just wanted to make her happy." I whispered quietly.

"I know. But she's just confused right now. She'll get through this, okay? I promise, I'll do everything I can. Just don't give up, Okay?" I started to push her away, but she kept her grip on me.

"She doesn't want what I have to offer. I gave her my soul, the jewel, the only things I had. She gave it back. Sango, she wouldn't let me in. Tell me what I have left to hope for? It's over."

Fearful eyes met mine. She pulled me even closer.

"You can't say that Inu. Please don't give up."

"It's impossible for me not to. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, everyone I love just leaves me. My father did. So did Sess. Now my mother will too. I have no one left." She pulled back, holding my hands tightly in hers. Hope glimmered in her eyes.

"But what about me? And Miroku and Faye and-"

"You called him Miroku." I interrupted suddenly.

"Yes..."Her eyes darted from my face to her hands.

"He told you didn't he?"

She nodded, biting her bottom lip nervously. I smiled.

"I'm happy. It's about time some one got it right."

"Inu-" I sighed, cutting her off again.

"You said so yourself Sango. Friends aren't enough. She was the only one for me. I felt it. And they say Shingetsu men are never wrong. I must be the beginning of the end of that. I'm the first one to be wrong."

She cried softly into my chest. I smoothed her hair over, comforting her with the little compassion I had left.

"If you don't mind now Sango, I have a lot I need to think about."

"Inu, don't you do anything stupid." She said with more force this time.

"I wouldn't even have the strength to." I said softly, looking her in the eyes to prove my point. She nodded and leaned up to kiss my cheek.

"I'll be back later, me and Miroku. Call me if you need anything at all, Inu." She gave me a final squeeze and walked to my door. She turned to flash me a forced smile and then closed the door behind her. I waited until I heard the front door close. I walked to my nightstand and picked up the envelope of pictures from her birthday. Then I walked into the living room and took out the photo albums my mother kept there.

I wasn't expecting anyone to come for anther four hours. So I decided to spend most of that time with the past I was about to leave behind.

I had lied straight faced for the first time today. I did have some strength left in me. And I would use it selfishly. What else could I do?

Could I really bare to sink into the oblivion my mother had only so recently risen out of? Could I really bare to die from the inside out? Could I really handle any more pain?

No.

Not anymore.

I flipped through page after page of precious memories, some long ago forgotten, some painfully constant, fingering the jewel the entire time.

I reminisced about my childhood, growing up with my only brother Sesshomaru. How we used to fight constantly, always vying for Dad's attention. I thought about my father's stories, about how he survived through losing his own parents and being raised by his Uncle. How he had met Naraku and instantly bonded with him. Their teenage exploits, Their first business, their first success. How he had met my mother, how we had come into the world.

I used to love the way the told the story of my birth. Whereas Sesshomaru's had been just as planned, and right on time, I had been two weeks early, and more than impatient to get out. My mother's water had broken at ten at night, while my mother had been onstage singing for a charity ball. One hour later, I was born, right there on that very stage.

Faye had given birth two nights afterwards, only right in the middle of a dinner party she was hosting at the Fukai Mori.

That had been the beginning of our threesome. Me Miroku and Sess.

Miroku and I would always find our way into some kind of trouble, and Sess, being the oldest, would always find us a way out. Whether it was fighting off Kouga and his friends for us or figuring out how to get the volcano we had built for our 4th grade science project to work. He had always been there, no matter what.

Of course, now he was gone too.

With about an hour left before my mother would come home, I picked up Kagome's pictures and stuffed them into my jacket pocket. Then I walked into my mother's room and opened her closet. Moving aside the clothes, I reached into the very back . There, in a box in the very back was the Tetsusaiga. My father's dagger, his favorite out of his once-extensive collection, and the only one my mother had kept.

I tucked it into the waistband of my pants to conceal it and left the apartment, the Shikon no Tama left sitting on her bed.

I decided not to leave a note. My father hadn't left one. Sess hadn't bothered either-who was I to break the tradition?

I stopped at the front door of the complex and picked a single white rose. I tucked it into my shirt pocket and began my slow walk to the cemetery.

I took my time, taking deep breaths, feeling the wind against my skin, trying to identify each individual smell my nose came across.

I wasn't sure how much time had passed, but I eventually found myself at my destination. Pushing open the rusted iron gate, I walked inside. This time, I wandered around each of the tombstones, noting how old some of them actually were. Centuries old graves of priests and Mikos alike, all buried in one sacred place, the place where I would take my own life.

I took my place next to Seikai's grave, laying the dagger on the ground before me. I pulled out the envelope from my pocket. I cherished each frozen moment, my eyes constantly lingering on the face of the angel who had once seemed my salvation. She was once my reason for living. Now without her, I had nothing.

The picture I had left the day before was still in it's place, despite the strong winds that made my hair billow out behind me.

The perfect picture. Perfection I would never know again. Happiness I never got to appreciate.

All gone.

I laid out the pictures before me, laying the white rose beside my favorite picture, right beside her face.

I picked up the dagger after I had rolled up my sleeves. I was nervous, yes. I had never hurt myself before. But my body felt so numb anyway, it probably wouldn't be all that bad. I thought twice about my intentions.

It would be far more fitting if I were to plunge it through my heart. Just like the Miko did when she shot her once beloved half-demon.

I lifted the dagger, wrapping both my hands around the long handle. I took a few deep breaths. I closed my eyes and tensed my body as the wing whipped my bangs across my face. I heard the rustle of the grass, the faint song of a random bird and the creaking of the old iron gate that guarded my new resting place. I pulled the dagger away as far as I could reach and counted, my voice barely above a whisper.

"Five...Four...Three...Two...One....I love you Kagome..."

tbc…

*sniffle*

*sniffle*

huh? oh yeah, i almost forgot....

DUN DUN DUUUUUUUNN!!!