DISCLAIMER: I don't own Inuyasha… but you already knew
that.
People Involved
Ch. 2
By Lara Winner
...........................
The study date went off without a hitch and now I can
breathe a sigh of relief as I take my time walking home.
I met Kouga at the library for seven like we agreed. I
read over his paper, pointed out a few mistakes and made couple of suggestions.
I was impressed at the effort he put into his work. But then he confessed that
this was his last chance to pass history so he couldn't afford to screw it up.
That's typically Kouga. He's not stupid, not by a long
shot. He just has a bad habit if goofing off and then waiting to the last
minute to worry about the consequences. He's also the fastest runner our high
school's track team has ever seen so he can get away with slipping grades. It's
a small price to pay for making it to the finals three years in a row.
All the praise does go to his head and he gets so
cocky sometimes that I want to scream. But deep down he's not a bad guy. We've
been friends since freshman year. That was before the ego trip, back then he
was just my lucky lab partner who got to dissect a frog with me and watch as I
turned some very interesting shades of green. For some reason he thought that
was hilarious.
I think that's one of the reasons I like Kouga. He
always manages to give my spirits a boost with his infectious good humor. He
makes the classes we share bearable and he's even been there for me when I'm
down in the dumps.
Or pissed at a certain hanyou.
I'm not playing favorites here and I don't go running
to Kouga every time Inuyasha jumps my case. But there have been occasions when
the only thing that's stopped me from clobbering the overbearing bastard was
Kouga. Inuyasha should thank him.
But this is where it gets complicated. Kouga likes me.
I mean really likes me. He asked me out twice and both times I've turned him
down. He knows that I have certain issues to deal with before I can take him up
on his offer. He just doesn't know what those issues are.
I have a few reasons why I'm not sure seeing Kouga is
a good idea. Inuyasha isn't the only one but I can't deny that he is the main
one.
How am I supposed to get serious with a guy when my
best friend hates him?
I feel like I'd betray Inuyasha if I were to go out
with Kouga. Sometimes I think I push the boundary with Kouga being my friend. After
all, that is the one person Inuyasha has a serious problem with. I don't why
but he does. So is it really fair to force him to accept Kouga into his life
because of me? Would a real friend be that selfish?
Sango has told me before that Inuyasha's opinion of
who I like shouldn't make a difference, and for the most part I agree. Under
normal circumstances I'd tell him to grow up and deal with my choice.
But this is not normal. Inuyasha can not tolerate
Kouga. I'm having sex with Inuyasha. Both factors change everything.
It's complicated. So for right now I've settled for
thinking about it later and turning Kouga down. I know he's disappointed when I
say no but that's okay because if nothing ever becomes of this attraction then
no body gets hurt. He likes me but he's not in love with me. And that's a good
thing because I like him but I'm not in love with him.
The messed up part is that I'm not in love with
Inuyasha either…
I kill that train of thought before it can get started
down that particular track. What I feel for Inuyasha is best left alone for
right now. I'm not in love and that's all I need to know. If I try to piece
together anything else it might not be a good thing.
It's easier to just enjoy what we do when we do it. I
can think about everything later, after something gives. I know the sex is not
going to last and I don't ever want to regret it.
I guess it's a good thing that I'm not letting myself
think about it because as soon as I round the corner I see Inuyasha sitting at
the bottom of the shrine steps waiting for me.
I can't say I'm surprised. I expected a visit or a
phone call. That's the way we are. We can never stay mad at each other for long
and we know each other too well to hold silly grudges. Truthfully, I'm not even
angry about today.
In my way of calling a truce I take a seat on the step
beside him, close enough to touch but not. He doesn't look at me. His golden
stare is fixed on the cement a little beyond our feet. He's hunched forward,
elbows braced on his knees in a negligent pose that's belied by the thoughtful
frown on his face. I wait for him to speak first.
"Well?" he prompts suddenly.
I smile. "Well what?"
"Feh. I know you want to give me the third degree
so go ahead. Get it over with already."
He's giving me the option to pick a fight or settle
for his version of an apology. I'm not in the mood to argue so I joke,
"Why would I do that?"
I'm leveled with an exasperated glare through the
corner of his eye. "You're gonna make me say it, aren't you?"
"Its your conscious not mine."
"Keh." He looks back toward the street but
he's not really seeing the cars pass. After a long moment he sighs. "I was
a major dick today. I should've kept my big mouth shut."
He's not going to actually say the words "I'm
sorry". Inuyasha never apologizes in the traditional way. It's one of the
things I've learned to accept about him. He's got a heart of gold hidden under
that gruff exterior and if I'm patient enough to take the time and look it
shines through.
This is the boy that saved me from drowning when I was
six and wouldn't let me leave the pool till he taught me how to doggy paddle. He
saved up his allowance for three months so he could buy me a pair of roller
blades for my eleventh birthday and then spent an entire week helping learn to
balance on them. He's the one who danced with me at our junior high sock-hop
when no one else would. And this is the same guy who abandoned his date at last
year's prom after-party to sit by my side and hold my hair back when I got sick
from too many tequila shots.
Inuyasha has been good to me and I try to be good to
him too.
I reach over and give his ear a gentle tweak. "Forgiven."
He smirks, ducking his head away. He's always had a
thing about people touching his ears. I'm the only one allowed that privilege
and even then he's got to be in the right mood. I know it turns him on so I'm
not about to over do it. He deserves some dignity.
"Come on. Let's go inside." I suggest.
"I can't." He says, glancing down at his
watch. "I was supposed to be at Miroku's a half hour ago."
"Then you better get going."
"Yeah…" He rises to his feet and then grabs
my hand pulling me up too. "Will I see you later?"
My pulse jumps at what his innocent question is
hiding. For a second I wonder what he would do if I said no. Would he pout? Or
maybe he'd blow it off? I'd like to know but I enjoy what we do a little too
much to find out. Instead I play it cool, trying not to sound too eager.
"Possibly."
But Inuyasha is not a patient puppy tonight. "Yes
or No bitch."
I hate when he calls me that. It took me the longest
time to realize that he didn't mean it in a derogatory way. Even though I now
know among inu-youkai a female is referred to as a bitch, I still get miffed
when he lets it slip.
"You might want to try that again."
"Huh…?" he's looking lost until he realizes
what he said, then he growls grumpily. "Yes or No?"
"What time are you picking me up?" I ask,
giving him an answer without obeying him. My point is clearly made.
He's glaring daggers at me. "Around
one-ish?"
I give him by best innocent smile and start up the
stairs, calling out over my shoulder, "One o'clock. Don't be late."
.............................
As it turned out he ended up waiting for me.
I couldn't help running late. It's difficult to sneak
out of the house on the weekend. It takes practice and skill not to be seen
when my bother and sister are lurking about the house somewhere.
With no school Souta stays up late and plays his video
games in the den. Mom and grandpa aren't that much of a problem but since Kikyo
started college she keeps odd hours and sometimes she stays up all night to
study.
Tonight I had to wait till she went up to her room to
finish cramming before I felt I could make a safe get away. Naturally she took
her time and I didn't make it out of my room till twenty after. The minute
Inuyasha saw me coming down the shrine steps I knew by the look on his face
what he was going to say even before he said it.
"What the fuck took you so long?"
That's my Inuyasha. Doesn't know the meaning of the
word patience. So I explain, "I had to wait for Kikyo to go upstairs. I
came as soon as I could."
"Excuses! Excuses! You're still late!"
"What else was I supposed to do? All it's gonna
take is for my Mom to catch me sneaking off in the middle of the night and I'll
be grounded till I'm thirty."
He's knows how overprotective my Mom is. Bless his
heart, he's even taken the blame for things I've done so she wouldn't
completely freak. She has a soft spot for Inuyasha and he gets off the hook
with a lot more than I ever could. My Mom can't help mothering him though and
it's been that way ever since Inuyasha's mother died.
"You need to relax. If she knew you were with me
she'd be okay with it." he brags confidently.
"Yeah okay." I laugh. "That's why I'm
not allowed over at your house without another female present."
"Your Mom trusts me well enough. She just knows
better then to trust my brother." He counters. "Hell, I don't even
trust the bastard. You think I'd leave you alone with him?"
"Considering why I have to sneak out of the house
to begin with, I don't think Sesshomaru is the one to worry about."
"Keh. Like I'd ever do anything..." he
trails off quite suddenly, his cheeks turning pink. I'd love to know what he's
thinking and I think I have a pretty good idea as he opens the car door with a
hard jerk, "Shut up and get in!"
The sexual tension continues to build during the drive
to his house. I'm anticipating his touch and my excitement is something
tangible that he can smell in the close confines of the car. I bet the fact
that I'm wearing a skirt tonight makes it even tougher for him to ignore…
..................................
After the sex is always interesting.
Sometimes I can't bring myself to care about anything
but the stated feeling that fills me. Other times I'm drained and exhausted
ready to drift off to sleep in his arms, if he'd let me. More often than not
I'm just relaxed and momentarily content. And there is the rare occasion when I
feel very guilty and a little empty because I can't ignore the possible
repercussions of what we're doing.
Guilty and empty…
That's the way I feel tonight.
I can't seem to get my earlier musings out of my head.
It was okay when I had desire to distract me but now that the passion is spent
there is nothing to keep me from facing the many reasons that having sex with
Inuyasha is wrong. Very wrong.
There is no help for it. I can already feel myself
getting tense as the lazy afterglow quickly fades in the wake of harsh reality.
I open my eyes to find Inuyasha watching me intently with an expression that is
unreadable. Something is happening, I can tell and I'm frightened because I
don't know what it is.
Inuyasha must have sensed my inner disquiet. Maybe he
caught a whiff of it in my scent. Or maybe he's feeling the exact same way. I'm
not sure. All I know is that he's never looked at me like this before, like
he's looking through me to my soul.
What does he see? Uncertainty. Fear. Longing. Regret…
No, not regret. I may have contrary emotions about
this new level of intimacy we share, I even have reservations, but that's not
the same as regret. I'm not sorry about what we've done. I'll never take back a
single moment I've shared with him.
I'm just very afraid that Inuyasha and I are putting
our life long friendship on the line for meaningless sex.
Suddenly his golden eyes begin to shine with worry as
his dark brows lower in a thoughtful frown. Almost hesitantly he asks,
"Kagome… are you okay?"
How do I answer that? I'm surrounded by him. There is
no space to think when I'm in his room, lying on his sheets, pressed against
his side as the warmth of his skin seeps into mine. He's overwhelming me. If I
answer I know I'll blurt out everything I'm feeling. I'm not going to be the
one to say too much.
"Are you?" I ask in return, averting my
gaze. It's not really a question, but more of a sarcastic accusation.
It takes him a moment to give me an answer and I'm a
little surprised at his honesty when he admits, "I don't know."
Oh gods… It's happening. I'd hoped we'd never have to
have this conversation. I thought we could wait it out and maybe by then we'd
have our hormones under control and there would be no need to say anything
because the sex would be behind us. Yeah, that was wishful thinking. This
little talk has been long over do.
I can feel his eyes boring holes into my head but I
refuse to look at him. This is already difficult enough. I'm scared to see what
he's thinking.
"Why are you afraid Kagome?" The hurt in his
voice makes my heart wrench. "Is it because of me? Did I do
something?"
"It's not you." I whisper.
"Then what is it?"
"We're changing." The words spill out of me
and I can't stop them. "Everything is changing. I don't want it to but it
is."
It's not what he wants to hear and his walls slam back
into place with ruthless efficiency as he scoffs, "Oi, nothing has
changed. We're still the same."
For some reason his nonchalance sparks my anger.
"Then look me in the eye and tell me that what
happened today has nothing to do with what is going on between us!"
"Goddamn it!" he curses, abruptly sitting up
and glaring at me over his shoulder. "You're still going on about today! I
thought we were past that shit!"
"We are. I'm just trying to make you see that we
act differently toward each other now. Maybe I'm wrong but I know you and I
know that before we started having sex you would have trusted me when I said I
wasn't going on a date with Kouga. But now you don't and it's not just that,
it's all these little things that have been happening for a while now."
I give him a pleading look. "I can't pin-point
everything and it's so hard to explain. I guess it's like in one way we've
become closer and in another way we're growing apart and I don't know if I'm
okay because I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about it. The only thing I
do know is that we were never this complicated before."
For being the one not wanting to talk I sure said
enough for the both of us. Silence falls and I wait for him to say something,
anything that will give me a hint as to what he's thinking. It's a short
eternity before he can bring himself to speak.
"So what are you saying? Do you want to stop, is
that it?" he asks miserably.
"No."
I whisper.
Inuyasha looks torn. He knows as well as I do that
this should stop. What we're doing is asking for trouble and I really don't
think we could handle the consequences that this could bring. But at the same
time I need this and I think he does too. I can't say I love him, at least not
the way a sexual relationship should insinuate. I don't think he feels that kind of
love for me either but there's something that keeps us coming
back and it's not just the sex.
I sit up
holding the bed sheet over my nakedness with one hand while I place the other
on his bare shoulder. He accepts the gesture of comfort with a small smirk.
"So what
do we do?" I ask leaving where we go from here in his hands. He knows I
won't refuse him or whatever he decides.
"I don't
know Kagome…" he looks away with a blush as his hand comes to rest on top
of mine. "Do we have to decide? Can't we just see where this goes?"
When he
finally manages to look at me the conflicting emotions in his eyes set some of
my worries at ease. He's not sure where we're headed any more than I am but I
know that I wouldn't do this with anyone else. Inuyasha is the only one I trust
this much. Maybe that's why we don't need definite answers. It's the comfort
level we share. After all the crap we've been through and all years we put in
this friendship, he's become my other half… with out me even realizing it.
Our faces are
incredibly close and his eyes are boring into mine. I can tell he wants to say something
more and I hold my breath in anticipation...
Then moment
is shattered by the shrill ringing of a cell phone.
I can't help
but chuckle when he curses angrily. With a growl he leans over the side of the
bed and rummages trough the pile of our combined clothes pulling out my
offending phone from the mess and handing it to me.
"Here
answer the damn thing!"
Glaring at
him to be quiet, I flip the mobile open and give a cheery, "Hello?"
"It's a
good thing I found your room empty instead of Mom."
My entire
body goes completely still as Kikyo's smooth voice comes through over the line.
She's got me and she knows it. Biting back one of Inuyasha's curses, I ask,
"Are you going to tell her?"
"No I'm
not, but you better come home now. You and I need to talk."
She doesn't
bother waiting for my response and the line goes dead as I pull back the phone
and look at it angrily. Kikyo's using her big sister tone, the one that means
I'm about to get one hell of a talking-to.
Heaving a
frustrated sigh, I turn to find Inuyasha watching me intently. His smirk is
back but this time its full of sympathy. "Busted?"
"I'm not
sure. Kikyo wants me home now." I reply.
He climbs
from the bed, naked and not at all modest. I admire the view as he leans over
and grabs my clothes from the pile, tossing each article at me separately. I
can't help but blush when he lifts my underwear and twirls it around his finger
twice before deliberately handing them to me.
My face is
hot and I'm sure I've turned an unbecoming shade of red.
He laughs. "Stop
acting all embarrassed and get dressed already. It's time to face the
music."
Funny he
should say that because I can already hear my sister's disappointed voice
ringing like a dean knell in my ears.
...................................
The ride home
was quicker than I would have liked. I told Inuyasha that I didn't need a
referee but he insisted on walking me up to the house. I figured Kikyo might
have had the entire place in an uproar with my absence and I half expected my
mom to waiting on the porch looking like a mad woman.
To my utter
relief there was only Kikyo sitting on the porch swing rocking gently while
tapping her manicured nails against the cordless house phone sitting in her
lap. She couldn't appear more poised in boxers, a tank top and socks.
The rest of
the house was in darkness and my mother was no where around so that meant she'd
kept her word and said nothing. I wonder what I owe her for this. She's going
to demand something in return for covering for me like this. After all, I've
done it to her.
She watches
us approach, her cool blue eyes taking in my appearance. Giving Inuyasha a once
over, her mouth sets in a disapproving frown. She's not stupid. She can give an
educated guess as to why my hair and clothes are rumpled and so are Inuyasha's.
Kikyo pins
Inuyasha with dry smile. "I should have known she was with you."
"Damn
straight." He smirks back. "Where else would she be?"
I glance back
and forth between them judging the exchange with a keen eye. My sister is
goading him and Inuyasha is playing along. It's usual behavior between them but
I can remember not so long ago when Inuyasha had the worst crush on Kikyo. He
pinned over her for months and she was all I heard about. I'm not sure how but
I finally managed to make him see that not only is he two years younger than
her but she had a boyfriend and was completely oblivious to his existence. It
was quite an experience and sometimes I think he still likes her a bit.
Of course how
could I blame him. Kikyo is perfect while I'm… just me.
Reality calls
as Kikyo turns to me, her smile slipping a notch. "She could have been
anywhere. I wasn't aware Kagome made a habit of sneaking off in the middle of
the night."
Before this
turns ugly and I start a ruckus on the porch I need Inuyasha gone. Giving him
by best smile with a pointed look that said 'back off for now" I insist,
"You better go. I can handle it from here."
"You
sure?"
I wave away
his concern. "Yup. I'll call you tomorrow okay?"
He stares at
me for a second as if debating if he should go or not but then he relents.
"Yeah all right." He starts down the walk only to turn back giving us
a mock salute. "G'night ladies."
I wave and
wait until he's out of sight before turning back to my sister. She's giving me "the
look" and I suddenly feel as if I'm ten years old and getting caught
playing with her make-up or something. Clasping my hands behind my back, I
offer her a weak smile. "I don't suppose I can just go up to my room and
we can forget about this?"
Kikyo responds
by patting the spot next to her. I knew my fate was sealed. Doing as bid, I
took a seat beside her and sighed.
"So,"
she began conversationally, "I take it you were with Inuyasha?"
"Yes."
"At his
house?"
"Yes."
"Please
tell me the two of you used protection."
I flinch.
"Of course we did. We're not that stupid."
Her gaze
slants to mine, looking a little surprised but mostly resigned. She didn't
think I'd readily admit to anything, but oddly enough it felt good to have
someone else know.
"How
long has this been going on?" she asks quietly.
"About
three or four months."
This time her
surprise is evident. "You've been hiding it well. Does anyone else
know?"
"No."
I give her a meaningful look.
"Does
this mean the two of you are seeing each other now?"
It's the
natural question to ask and I still feel ashamed saying, "No."
Kikyo nods
her head, looking off into the darkness beyond the reach of the yard light.
"So you've become fuck buddies then?"
To hear her
say it like that makes it seem much worse than what it is. But she's right. We
have sex with no emotional attachments. What else can I call it?
"I guess
so… I don't know." I moan dropping my head in my hands. "I'm not sure
how it got started. I don't know why we did it. It just happened."
Kikyo gives a half-hearted laugh. "Actually, I
can't say that I didn't see this coming. With the way the both of you are glued
at the hip I always assumed the nature of your relationship would progress
eventually."
"Yeah well, it certainly caught me off guard."
I snap. She's still watching me through the corner of her eye. I've held out
this long but now I need to know. "So are you going to tell Mom?"
"No. This doesn't concern Mom. But I am taking
you to see a doctor."
"Wha.." I blink. "Why?"
"Because you should be examined and advised
on the best method of birth controll as soon as possible. Condoms are not
fool proof and you do not want a child right now." She's got her 'it's for
your own good tone' in full effect and I'm not about to argue. She's got a very
good point.
"I'll can my doctor and make an appointment. I'll
even go with you if you want."
Hearing this, coming from my sister of all people,
makes me laugh. The thing about Kikyo is that she's not overly affectionate and
she doesn't coddle anyone. Every now and then she comes down to earth and has a
moment of humanity. Never in a million years would I have thought I could
depend on her for this.
"You'd do that for me?"
Kikyo cracks a small smile. "Yes."
"All right I'll go, but only if you come with me."
....................................
A.N. – You have no idea how amazed I was at the
response I recieved for the first chapter of this fic. Gosh... I'm so happy. All
of you have pointed out some very interesting views on the situation at hand. I
don't want you guys to give Inuyasha a bad rap yet. Kagome is a very
willing partner in their sexual escapades, don't forget. So the aganda for next
chapter: the dreaded ex , fights, a kiss… Complicated is
about to become quite the understatement. I hope you enjoy!