DISCLAIMER: Sadly, I don not own Inuyasha. I just like playing with them.

Relinquished Destiny

Ch. 4

By: Lara Winner

They said she had a nasty fall and hit her head.

Staring into her mother’s anxious face, Kagome smiled as she forced down another mouthful of tea. It was important that she show her mother she was feeling well.

"Are you sure you are up to returning to school toady?" Mrs. Higurashi asked again for the hundredth time.

"Yes I’m sure." Kagome sighed in exasperation. "I’ve been in bed for a whole week. I’m fine I promise."

Reluctantly yielding to her daughter’s reassurance, Mrs. Higurashi conceded. "Very well then. If you are absolutely positive about going…"

Kagome nodded enthusiastically and ignored the strange look Souta gave her from across the table. It was imperative to her sanity that she was allowed to return to school. Anything was better than lying in bed staring at the walls of her bedroom. For the past week Kagome had been left with nothing to do but think of everything that had happened. Her worst fear was that one of her little brother’s innocent questions might be a horrible truth.

Out of simple curiosity Souta had asked if Kagome had any dreams while she was unconscious in the well. It felt like cold water running down her spine as the sudden thought crossed her mind… Had it all been a dream?

It was an unbearable conclusion but it wasn’t so far fetched. Kagome has spent the last week looking for any clue that the last two years of her life had taken place but there was no evidence to be found. If she truly had reset time then nothing would exist since her adventures would have been in the future. She had even gone as far as to raise up her shirt and look for the scar she bore from where Mistress Centipede had ripped the Shikon jewel from her side. There was no scar.

Frantically she racked her brain trying to remember little details about the Sengoku Jidai. To prove to herself that she wasn’t crazy she flipped through her history textbook already knowing everything about the way people lived five hundred years in the past. Quite a few of the textbook’s passages were all wrong, at least according to the way she remembered things done. It only made her more confused.

Was it really a dream?

But how could it be?

Kagome did not imagine the way Shippo would cuddle in her arms or the way his cold little nose would give her a chill when he buried his face in her neck. It was not a figment of an overactive imagination that Miroku’s air rip could suck in the largest and most powerful of demons or that his hands would grope her whenever possible. Even Sago’s friendship was true and heartfelt as was her pain at loosing her brother. And so was Kikyo’s anger and hatred that she displayed on more than one occasion. And Kagome knew couldn’t have conjured up Kouga’s wild untamed sent that reminded her of open fields and snow capped mountains.

It was all too vivid to be a dream.

And of course there was Inuyasha…

The days, weeks, and even months spent thinking of the hanyou and trying to figure him out was real. In her time and in his there had been moments to cherish between them and they could not have been simple fantasy. How many times had he nearly driven himself insane with boredom as he watched her do her homework? It was amusing how he would constantly peek over her shoulder reminding her of an impatient child wanting to play. And how often had they sat under the stars side by side without the need to say a word because they found all the comfort needed in the others presence?

Those were precious memories and there were more in Kagome’s heart, two years worth of good times and bad. She could not for a moment believe it was a dream. She knew the feel of his strong arms holding her. She could still smell his sent, clean and crisp as the forest. Every battle she feared she’d loose him and every time she witnessed him with Kikyo more of her heart broke. That was real. The hurt she still carried with her every waking moment was more real than anything she had ever known. And in the end she had still lost him.

It was driving her crazy. Every time she closed her eyes Kagome saw them, kissing, swearing vows of endless love, standing together as dark haired children scampered about their feet. The agony stabbed her, ripping out her insides and choking the life from her soul. It almost made her wish her adventure had been a dream. But she now asked herself the same question she asked of Inuyasha. Knowing how it would end would she do it again? Would she love him so wholeheartedly? And the only answer she could summon was yes.

Kagome knew there had never been a conscious thought to love Inuyasha. It just happened. The more time she spent with him the more endeared he became to her heart. Underneath his gruff exterior was a boy who was lonely and hurting. And somewhere along the way she decided she wanted to be the one to make him whole again.

But that was never supposed to be. Kikyo laid claim to his heart long before Kagome had ever met Inuyasha and it had remained that way despite everything. The dog-demon had harbored affection for Kagome, it was obvious, but the extent of his feelings for her was never really known. Or were they? Had he not said himself that he missed Kikyo and that he would be with her again if only he could?

Inuyasha’s answer had stung but she had expected it all along. And she loved him enough to let him go. She wished them no harm. In fact she honestly hoped they were able to live a happy life full of warmth and love. But that didn’t mean she walked away unscathed. Onigumo was not the only one that died in that cave. Kagome would never be the same again.

It was almost is if she were missing part of her soul. There was an emptiness within her where guilt tried to consume her. Nightly, amidst the images of Kikyo and Inuyasha, another face was making its presence known. Onigumo would not let her be. His memory instilled the fear that grave consequences would befall her for her crime. No matter how she tried to justify her actions the fact still remained that she murdered a defenseless man. There was no honor such a deceitful victory, only shame at the blatant use of disadvantage. Perhaps Naraku had won after all. For a moment he’d even gotten her to fall into the darkness.

The more Kagome weighed her own actions the more she felt dirty. Blood was on her hands, plain and simple. How could she anticipate the rest of her life when ghosts of the past haunted her every night? And what if the past resurfaced no matter how she tried to bury it? The tapestry of fate was fickle and tricky. Gods only know what her future has in store for her now but Kagome’s soul was too jaded to care. She needed to find a way to leave the past as exactly that, in the past.

And so her only way to escape the damning thoughts that kept after her was school. It would give her a respite from the hounds of hell that tormented her with memories that only made her heart ache all the more. Her studies would give a much needed distraction. And it was of the utmost importance that she attend school today and everyday there after so she could eventually put her broken heart out of sight and out of mind.

Kagome realized she didn’t feel quite as helpless when she thought of her plan to take control. Forcing a bright and sunny smile, she ruffled Souta’s hair and gave her mother a kiss on the cheek. "I’ve got to be going or I’ll be late."

Kagome breezed out of the room without a backward glance. Her mother and brother shared a look and Souta gaped, "She wants to go to school? Geez Mom, she even left early. She must have hit her head harder then we thought." The boy replied as he continued to wolf down his breakfast.

Tbc…

A.N.- Sorry this chapter is so short but I was trying to convey her confusion and hurt at having her life turned upside down once again. For any of you who are confused, Kaimi sent Kagome back in time so she could kill Onigumo. Kagome succeeded in her task and now Kaimi has reset time to the morning of Kagome’s fifteenth birthday, ya know, the morning the series starts. That was the end of last chapter. This chapter is a week later and now that she’s gotten her strength back she’s returning to school. This point in the story is where fate will take over and everything that should have happened will. This is when Kagome learns that some things were not meant to change.

Sound kinds cryptic huh? Sorry, I can’t give you any clue on how this story will eventually end but I can tell you one thing. This story isn’t near complete. Everything is just getting started. Just keep your finger crossed that the rest of the story doesn’t suck from here on out. *hugs* Thanks for reading! Luv you guys!