DISCLAIMER: Sadly, I don not own Inuyasha. I just like playing with them.

Relinquished Destiny

Ch. 18

By: Lara Winner

If Kagome had expected her happy little nervous break down to happen once she was home in the sanctuary of her bedroom she was sadly mistaken. It decided to come the next morning after awaking from another vivid dream of a past she couldn’t quite recall and realizing that she was going to be extremely late for school.

It started much like any usual morning for Kagome. The alarm’s shrill cry broke the silence jerking her from the depths of sleep. Reflexively she hit the snooze button just as she always did. Only she kept hitting it and unlike usual after the eighth time she finally dragged her eyes open to check the time.

"7:15…" She cooed sleepily as she stretched her arms above her head and… froze. She blinked, scrubbed at her eyes and looked again. "Crap!"

Something inside Kagome snapped like plastic under too much pressure. As if hot coals had been placed under her bottom, she shot from the bed in a frenzied search for her uniform. She tore through her closet, rummaged messily through every drawer, and left heaping piles of clothes in her wake as she raced about like a mad woman putting on parts of uniform as she found them.

How was it that the bedroom she’d had for as long as she could remember was suddenly foreign territory and nothing was where it should be? There was only one explanation. It was a conspiracy. The entire universe was trying to make her go crazy. Or maybe a youkai had snuck into her room in the middle of the night and moved everything around so that she couldn’t find it. No, not youkai, it was Buyo. Behind that cute face was the embodiment of evil…

As another ploy sent from the universe, Souta chose that unfortunate moment to burst into Kagome room. "Hey Sis, Mom said to tell you-"

The poor child was not allowed to finish his question because an armload of rumpled shirts and unfolded socks bombarded him from across the room where from deep within the depths of the closet came eerie mutterings of, "I’ve got you now…no that’s not it…ah-hah! No not that one either…grr…where the hell are you… I know you’re in here…when I get my hands on you I’m gonna put you on, you hear me! I’ll put you on, I swear…"

"Umm… Sis? Who ya talking to?"

Kagome didn’t answer, instead she stumbled out of the closet hopping to keep her balance on one foot as she attempted putting a sock on the other. After a minor struggle that left Kagome put of breath and colorful curse words, she slipped on her loafers, grabbed her backpack and rushed out of the room.

Souta looked from the door to the clothing disaster and back to the door. He blinked in surprise.

Before Souta had the chance to move Kagome dashed back into the room and grabbed the History textbook still sitting on her desk. The little boy opened his mouth to continue relaying his message but Kagome was one step ahead, once again cutting him off with a very loud, "I’M LATE!"

Her shriek echoed down the hall accompanied by a blur of green and white as Kagome flew from her bedroom and down the stairs. Mrs. Higurashi smiled pleasantly and held out a neatly packaged lunch to the human tornado and called after her, "Have a good day honey!"

"I’M LATE!" Kagome yelled back barreling out of the door. A second later she’d climbed onto her bike and was taking off.

It wasn’t until Kagome was half way down the block and peddling as fast as she could that her sanity began to creep back into place. Suddenly the desire to commit homicide on the innocent cat seemed really harsh and very unimportant. Taking precedence over her warped musings was the dream that had haunted her restless sleep…

The village was bustling under the mid day heat. Wooden carts made a ruckus of noise as they careened their way down the dirt road that ran through the heart of the village. Chickens clucked and feathers few as a few of the children took to chasing the animals, expertly dodging the adults tending to their own duties. It was the same mundane occurrence that happened everyday in the provincial village.

Fighting a smile, she let the little girl that was holding her hand lead her in the direction of the shrine. As they walked she simply enjoyed the familiarity that surrounded her. The first preparations for fall were beginning. The entire village was a bursting with activity.

The humdrum was a far cry from the peaceful fields little Kaede had come to fetch her from. With her task of gathering herbs complete it was now time to return to the shrine and make ready for the wedding ceremony to be held tomorrow. It seemed there was always something to do. Her work was never complete. A gentle tug on her hand pulled her attention to the child at her side. The child bright eyes gazed up at her somberly as she asked, "Why does my sister tend that man in the cave?"

The child’s question was so far from the train of her own thoughts that she had to think of an appropriate answer. And promptly she shivered. The man, Onigumo, was Kikyo-sama’s newest responsibility. She had never tended the man personally though she had gone with Kikyo-sama once. However, as soon as the cave came in sight something inside of her gave way to pure terror and she’d been unable to go further. There was something about that cave that struck pure fear in her heart.

But Kikyo-sama was resolute and she tended the man everyday faithfully. And there was only one reason for it. "Because it is Kikyo-sama’s duty." She explained to the little girl with a soft smile.

"But that man…" the child’s words trailed off as her eyes became frightened, "he’s evil."

She squeezed the little hand in her own affectionately and crouched down to the child’s level to look her in the eye. "Kaede-chan, it is not for us to judge this man. Kikyo-sama is nursing him because it would be an act of cruelty to deny him. He is need of mercy and whether or not he deserves it is irrelevant. We must grant him compassion."

Kaede looked thoughtful for a moment, but then nodded. "I understand. It wouldn’t be right to turn him away."

"No it would not."

The child fell silent as they began up the steep steps to the shrine. The herb basket at her hip bounced and the pungent fragrance of freshly cut herbs permeated the air about them. The sound of hammering drifted from the top of the stairs. As they reached the summit the two men working on replacing the damage done by the last demon after the sacred jewel came into view. Only a few more steps and the carpenters’ conversation carried clearly on the summer breeze.

"And what do you make of that hanyou hanging around Kikyo-sama all the time?" one man asked.

The other shook his head in apparent disapproval. "That mutt has caused us much trouble in the past. I don’t see how she can trust him. He’s only after the Shikon no Tama."

The observation was met with a nasty laugh. "That half breed has no right bothering Kikyo-sama. Its such a kind heart she has, to try and reach out a creature like that. But its dangerous business ‘cuz he’s a demon after all and chances are he’ll turn on her."

"You think so?"

"You know he will. He’s not natural and no matter how he looks he’s not human either. Its disgusting really."

"Yeah." The other man agreed. "And I heard that Kikyo-sama may use the jewel to make him human. Kami-sama knows it would be a blessing to be rid of the Shikon no Tama but no amount of magic will ever make that mongrel human. I still say we should’ve gotten rid of it when we had the chance."

The compassion she had preached about to Kaede took hold of her heart and she felt compelled to scold the men for their harsh words. She would have given them a piece of her mind and taken up for the hanyou boy even though she’d only met him once but the sudden arrival of Kikyo stayed the lecture on the tip of her tongue. It was obvious from the older miko’s sad expression that she had heard the every word spoken.

The carpenter’s noticed Kikyo arrival too late. Blushing shamefully, they bowed their heads and apologized profusely but Kikyo barely acknowledged their actions. "Be cautious of the path you chose to take. The bitter taste of hatred today will only poison you tomorrow."

As the Kaede released her hand and rushed to Kikyo’s side, she reached up to touch the prayer beads at her throat feeling a rush of trepidation from her mentor’s powerful words…

Kagome’s hands were trembling as she remembered the dream’s vivid details and she gripped the handles of her bike tighter. If the dream had ended there it wouldn’t have been so bad, but it didn’t. The shrine and the unknown girl had faded away only to be replaced by Onigumo’s cave. Then she had been forced to watch herself steady the bow and release the arrow that took his life. As the bandit’s scream filled the cave she was overcome with the sudden sensation choking, as if hands were at her throat squeezing the very life from her.

It was then that she had woken up in a cold sweat, clutching at her throat unable to breathe. For the longest time she had stared into the darkness of her room waiting for the shadows to come alive with more horrors. But after a time she had fallen back into an exhausted sleep which she now realized, as she narrowly missed running over a man with his head buried in his morning paper, had probably done more harm than good. She felt drained and unable to focus.

Still, the dream would not leave her numbed mind.

Who was this nameless girl in her dream? What was this connection that allowed to her to watch the young woman’s memories and to feel the young woman’s emotions?

This time Kagome had seen the village. It was hardly much different than when she herself had visited the Sengoku Jidai. Kaede was only a child so that would put the time somewhere around fifty years before her arrival to the past. These weren’t her memories. They couldn’t be… could they?

But it had seemed so real, Kagome thought. She could still feel the way the warm summer breeze had ruffled her hair and the scent of the herbs still made her nose twitch. There was no way she could imagine this. She could still feel the cool glass beads around her neck.

And she could still feel the tight grip of hands around her throat.

Panic washed over Kagome in a wave of pure adrenaline. Never in all her life had she been so terrified of a dream. It was too real. The imaginary fingers had bit into her flesh, wrapping around her slim throat and applying so much pressure that it had been impossible to breathe. She had tried to draw in a breath clawing at the invisible hold on her but her resistance met nothing but air.

Yet through it all her vision remained clear and fixed Onigumo’s lifeless body. The arrow remained protruding from his chest as a crimson stain blossomed around the wound. She couldn’t close her eyes. She couldn’t look away. She couldn’t even breathe.

That was how she awoke, wide-eyed and frantically drawing in air to her burning lungs. It took a few long moments of near panic before she could draw in a steady breath. Even after she huddled up in her blanket at the top of her bed with her back against the headboard, the trembling wouldn’t stop and the vision of Onigumo wouldn’t dissipate.

In the back of her mind Kikyo’s cryptic words kept repeating in her head. "The bitter taste of hatred today will only poison you tomorrow."

Was that supposed to be some kind of warning that her choice would come back to haunt her? It was nothing less than Kagome expected. She had committed murder and that was deserving of retribution. She had also murdered a helpless man and that was unforgivable. The backlash of karma coming to her was probably catastrophic. And beyond her fear Kagome felt she deserved it.

Onigumo’s death never went away. The crippling guilt was always there, just behind her smile and underneath her worries over everyday life. Inside the dark spot that now marred her soul it stirred, grating on her conscious until it was raw and bleeding. It was never forgotten. It ruled the depths of the night and inspired her most vicious nightmares. This was her penance.

Kagome had known she relinquishing more than destiny for the life of her friends, she had sold her very soul. But they were granted a second chance and in her heart she couldn’t deny them that. Even if it cost her very life to atone for the life she ended then so be it. She would accept the fate that awaited her.

But right there along with the guilt and fear was also a fair amount of righteous anger. There was no other way, if there had been she would have taken it but there wasn’t. Onigumo had to die before he became the horrible evil known as Naraku. In the end a thousand lives were saved at the expense of one… and before it was all over maybe two…

No.

This life was hers.

This time things would be different. It had to be because the past had already changed the future. The course of destiny had been altered, and thought she was still to determine whether for better or worse, there was no way to reverse what Kaimi had done.

Kagome found it odd that the very piece of the puzzle that left her helpless to fate was what gave her the most comfort. Time had been reset once. It would not happen again.

Yes… that is very comforting…

Unconsciously Kagome’s mouth twisted into a grim smile. The present was here and now. This was her world and her reality, not some time warp that landed her five hundred years in the past. There were no more uprooting surprised coming her way, at least not ones that would send her to a completely unfamiliar world and force her to survive. After such a traumatic experience anything destiny could throw her way now was a piece of cake.

Like stumbling across Kikyo…

Kagome felt she had handled herself extremely well in that situation. She had avoided expressing her panic and had remained levelheaded by taking the surprise in stride and making the best of it. Obviously she and Kikyo were to walk the same path and in this life they were not enemies so… maybe they were never meant to be. With Kikyo now alive and seemingly returned to her true self, perhaps this was the intended circumstance of their first meeting.

But that wasn’t so surprising now that Kagome thought of it. Once Kikyo had learned the truth about Naraku and the initial tide of her anger ebbed, she was able to overcome the seed of evil planted inside her by Urasue. After gaining a small bit of control Kikyo had proven to be a complex mystery. Even at the worst of times, except that once when Kikyo had tried to kill her, they were uneasy allies. There never was any true hatred between them, just a lot of heartache and bitterness because of one really confused hanyou. And of course the real dividing line was that Kagome was alive and Kikyo was the walking dead…

Kagome shivered.

Kikyo skin had always been so cold and unyielding, not pliant and warm like living flesh. Inuyasha had once confessed that she smelled of grave dirt and bones. Kagome could only imagine how it must have felt to be trapped in that false body roused by an imitation of life. It was no wonder Kikyo was so vengeful and bitter. She was being put through hell.

It was only fair to say that the un-dead miko was not the vibrant and kind woman Kagome saw in her dreams nor was that walking corpse remotely similar to Inasho’s friendly sister. To harbor any lingering ill feelings would be entirely unfair. It was another slap in the face by fate but this one was easier to accept. Or maybe it was simply Kagome’s nature to forgive, either way she was going to do what she could to rectify the damage that had been done.

Taking into account the previous evening it seemed as if they were off to a good start. When Inasho had walked her to the door Kieko had made an appearance politely saying that she hoped they would meet again. It wasn’t a significant moment but hopefully it was the foundations for a fresh start.

And if the growing suspicion that Inasho’s friend was indeed Miroku’s reincarnation then Kagome had the feeling that this would only be the first of many new beginnings. Granted it wasn’t the life she had forfeited but there was always the hope that maybe this life could be even better.

Yet underneath Kagome’s forced optimism remained a small twinge of foreboding that silently spoke of dark clouds on the horizon of her future.

Tbc…

A.N.- I am truly sorry for such a short chapter. I do have a legitimate excuse though. Once again it is Mardi Gras time here in the Crescent City and I have been working extra hours for nearly two weeks now. This leaves little time to do the stuff I have to do (like sleep) much less write fan-fiction.

I hope this chapter was not too confusing. I’m sure you realize by now that the dream sequences have a particular purpose yet to be uncovered. All will reveal its self soon enough. In rough estimation this fic has about sixteen chapters left. This could change more/less.

*Hugs* Thanks so much for sticking with this story. The next chapter will be completed a.s.a.p. but I make no promises on a time limit. Until then take care. Later guys!!! *_*