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Altered Memory

Chapter 9 Part II: What Really Happened

"Oh Kaoru, let me look at you." Misao held her at arm's length while green eyes inspected her lovingly. "You're so much more fragile than I remember."

Kaoru smiled at her, "I'm as though as an old boot, really. It's just that I'm still recovering after a spell in hospital."

"The injuries you received in Beirut. Yes, Kenshin told me." Misao glanced towards the door and Kaoru saw Kenshin had followed them into the sitting room. "Oh Kaoru, we have so much to talk about, and I have something vitally important to tell you."

"Hold your horses, Misao," Kenshin broke in. "It's late and I don't think Kaoru had eaten yet." He looked at her questioningly.

Kaoru shook her head. "I haven't, but I'm too churned up to eat."

"Me too," Misao echoed. "Perhaps when I've got this off my chest. Ever since Kenshin told me what had happened to you that night, my conscience hasn't let me eat or sleep."

"He told you?" She glanced at him quickly, showing her relief that she didn't have to retell the shaming story herself. And then she frowned. "But why should your conscience trouble you, Misao? It was I who got drunk and killed that child."

"But that's the whole point, Kaoru." Misao's expression was a mixture of compassion and remorse. "You didn't."

"I think you'd better sit down, Kaoru." Kenshin said as she stared at his sister blankly.

Hardly aware that he had pushed her gently on to the sofa and had seated himself beside her, his arm protectively around her shoulders, her attention was wholly on Misao who went on, "And if I hadn't allowed Kenshin to rush me off to visit relatives in Australia the morning after my party, no one would have thought you had. Even if I'd been told later what they were accusing you of, I could have come back and told them the truth."

"I've already explained why you were kept in the dark, Misao." Kenshin broke in tiredly.

"Yes, because you were afraid if I came back to England I'd get mixed up with Enishi again." Misao paced the rug. "Maybe you did it from the best motives, Kenshin, but neither of us comes out of this very well."

"I really don't understand what you're getting at, Misao. I may not remember anything of what happened that night, but I do know the facts. I had way over the limit of alcohol in my blood and I was driving the car that killed the child."

"And I'm trying to tell you that you weren't driving that car. You didn't even get drunk of your own volition. That was my doing."

"Oh now, you're being ridiculous," Kaoru burst out disbelievingly. "It's good to know you're in my corner, Misao, but you can't shoulder my guilt."

"Listen to her, darling. Just shut up and listen." The endearment and the sudden realization of Kenshin's arm around her shoulders brought a prickle to her skin.

"I know I'm not making a good job of explaining, but bear with me, Kaoru," Misao pleaded. "Because of my bit of well-meaning interference, you've carried that child's death on your conscience for ten years. If I'd had any idea..." she swung an easy chair around to face the couple on the sofa and perched tensely on the edge. "Kaoru, you'll remember what a starry-eyed, romantic idiot I was in those days? I was so set on getting you and Kenshin together. Well, I knew you loved him and I was pretty sure he felt the same way about you, but then he brought that awful girl along to my party. I was furious with him so I worked out this plan. I told him you wanted to see him in the summerhouse, and then I told you he wanted to meet you to meet him there."

Kaoru swallowed a gasped exclamation, but she was unable to do anything about the scorching color that surged into her cheeks as she thought of the implications of what Misao had admitted. Kenshin believed she had instigated that meeting! But her behavior in the summerhouse was so wanton, it was embarrassing.

She would have moved away from him then, but his arm tightened around her, holding her close, and before he could comment, Misao was saying miserably. "Only the whole thing blew up in my face. It was Shura that Kenshin came strolling back to the party with." She looked accusingly at her brother. "And then you disappeared into the library with her for hours."

"Only to do some telephoning," Kenshin said tersely. "Calling the family in Australia to let them know to expect us and putting things in motion for our flight. I'd seen evidence that night that Enishi and his friends were into drugs, and I meant to get you away if I had to do it by force."

"Yes, well, I didn't know that, did I?" Misao conceded grudgingly. "Anyway, when I went to look for you, Kaoru, I found you still in the summerhouse breaking your heart."

Again, embarrassment curled inside Kaoru at this exposure of her feelings, but far from displaying any embarrassment himself, Kenshin's hand caressed her shoulder in a most disturbing way.

"I couldn't bear you to be so miserable on my birthday." Misao bit her lip, looking ashamed. "It was selfish, I know, but I didn't want anything to spoil my party. So when Enishi suggested spiking the cider cup you were drinking with vodka to cheer you up, it didn't seem such a bad idea. And it worked too. You perked up to no end. But then you got really tight and I began to worry. It was only when you sparked right out that I learned Enishi had been tipping vodka into all your drinks."

Misao shuddered. "I was furious with him, and scared too. You were unconscious, you see. I wanted you put you to bed at Merrifields, call Mother so see if you needed a doctor. But Enishi insisted on taking you home. It wasn't until after I'd helped him get you into his car that I knew why he was so insistent. He- he said if his father saw you in that state it'd cure him of thinking you could do no wrong. That really opened my yes to what a bastard he was!"

Kaoru was aware of Misao leaning forward to clasp her hands but her mind was whirling, trying to assimilate what her friend was telling her. "I know I shouldn't have let him drive you off with you without telling anyone," Misao went on earnestly, "but I was sure your stepfather wouldn't make as much of it as Enishi seemed to hope."

"But – but if I–" Kaoru said helplessly.

"Exactly." Kenshin's voice was grim. "If you were unconscious–"

"And you were, Kaoru," Misao broke in. "Enishi had to carry you out to the car and I strapped you into the passenger seat myself."

"There was no way you could have killed that child, Kaoru," Kenshin finished, his arm turning her around to face him. "It was Enishi who was driving, Kaoru. Enishi who knocked that little girl off her bike and who then put you into the driving seat and left you to take the blame, somehow making his own way back to Merrifields. He'd have been careful to keep out of Misao's way of course, but we know from the evidence given at your trial that that he begged a lift back to London with one of his friends, complaining bitterly that someone had taken his car."

It was as if a black pit had opened up at her feet. One part of her mind understood what Kenshin and Misao were telling her and yet she fought against the knowledge, because to believe it she would have to admit her stepbrother had been guilty of the most appalling callousness.

"You don't know that was what happened," she protested weakly, her eyes wide with horror.

"Oh, yes we do." Kenshin kicked the last tenuous hold on her own guilt away. "The first thing Misao and I did when we landed at Heathrow this morning was search Enishi out. I hadn't seen him for years and I hardly recognized him. He's a wreck, Kaoru, existing from one fix to the next. Heroin, I should think. Anyway, it didn't take much pressure before he was admitting everything we told you is true."

Kaoru gave a harsh, sobbing cry and the black pit at her feet yawned wider. For the first time since she had heard of her stepfather's death, she could actually feel glad he hadn't lived long enough to know the truth, not just that his son had let her take the blame for his crime, sentencing her to rejection, loneliness, the unbearable weight of guilt. That hardly seemed to matter when she couldn't help remembering the police had told her their patrol car had come across the accident in the early hours of the morning and by then, the little girl was dead. What mattered was that if Enishi had got help at once, the child might have been saved. But he didn't. He had walked away and left that child lying there injured to save his own skin. The enormity of it filled her mind, and she slumped as the black pit rose up to swallow her.

Consciousness came back slowly, and with it a strange feeling of disorientation, as if part of her had been amputated. She noted with uncaring detachment that she was lying on a bed in a strange room, while beyond the window the sun was a great brazen ball on the horizon. Light!

She no longer had the death of another human being on her conscience!

She gave a long sigh and immediately, there was a movement at the other side of the bed. Turning her head, she met Misao's anxious gaze. "Thank goodness you've woken at last! We've been so worried."

Stupidly, Kaoru's heart leapt at Misao's use of the word 'we', but steadied again as she glanced around the room. Obviouslt, KEnshin hadn't cared enough to share his sister's vigil. But when had he ever?

"I'm sorry." She could understand the panic she must have caused. "I don't know what made me pass out like that."

"You're sorry! It's we who're sorry – Kenshin and I. The one person in the world neither of us would have harmed, and between us we ruined your life. Do you think you'll ever be able to forgive us?"

Kaoru's eyes widened. "What is there to forgive? You couldn't possibly have known hoe Enishi would take advantage of the situation, and as for Kenshin, how could he be blamed for anything that happened?" except for not loving her, and she could hardly blame him for that.

"But if I hadn't put vodka into your first drink, if I hadn't let Enishi take you home and then gone rushing off to Australia the next day," Misao said remorsefully. "And I know how responsible Kenshin felt that in protecting me, he threw you to the wolves."

Responsible, Kaoru thought painfully. That wasn't the kind of feeling she wanted from Kenshin. "You both did those things with the best motives. But if you feel the need of it, then of course, I forgive you. As for thinking you ruined my life... it hasn't all been hard and dangerous, you know. There were some good times and I was able to do some good."

Wanting to change the subject, she pushed herself up on her elbows. "I feel an awful fraud, lying here, and I'm absolutely ravenous."

"Well enough to come down to dinner?" Misao asked eagerly. "Mom and Dad are back now and are dying to see you."

"And I want to see them too." Kaoru smiled in anticipation. But asa she swung her legs off the bed, she couldn't resist asking, "Is Kenshin with them? He must have had to carry me up here and I want to thank him."

"Kenshin? No. He had to run over to Nunsford." Misao sounded casual, but there was a guarded look in her eyes.

It was as if a giant hand was squeezing Kaoru's heart. So Kenshin had made peace with Tomoe after all and their engagement was still on. She knew then that she had read too much into his concern for her this afternoon. Although the things she had learned today had changed things dramatically for her, altering her view of herself, she couldn't suppose they had changed anything for Kenshin. His sister's traumatic revelations had merely brought out his old protective instincts, that was all.

Squaring her shoulders, she stood up. Of course, it's Tomoe's party tonight, isn't it?" Kenshin would have to be there."

"He explained?" Misao looked relieved. "I was afraid you might–"

"Do I have time for a quick shower?" Kaoru broke in.

tbc…

NOTE 11-02-04: Here it is, the dreaded or anticipated note regarding the last update for this fic. All I have to say is that I really am not sure what all of you are expecting to happen. As I've said it will be K/K. The question now for you is, what do I mean with "KK"? Are they going to be lovers or just friends? I also thought about leaving it open-ended but as one of you already told me not to do that, I won't. (I'm not that cruel, ok?) All I can say is, THE END IS NEAR! Haha!