Disclaimer: Experience is a hard teacher because she
gives the test first, the lesson afterwards.
Altered Memory
Chapter 8 Part I: Girl Talk
When Kaoru dared to raise her eyes to his face, he wasn’t even
looking at her but at something beyond her.
“Tomoe, just the woman I want to see.” Kenshin took
the reins from Kaoru’s fingers as she drew a long, shuddering breath. “You’re
going into Framlingham this morning, aren’t you? Will you take Kaoru along with
you? She needs to buy some warmer clothes.”
His words and the faintly hostile way Tomoe was
staring at her reminded Kaoru she was still wearing Kenshin’s sweater and she
would have peeled it off on the spot had he not forcibly restrained her. “Not
now, you silly girl. Keep it on till you get back to the house. Do you want to
get a chill on top of everything else?”
Kaoru looked at Tomoe apologetically. “It was very
kind of Kenshin to lend it to me when I had nothing warm enough to wear.”
Tomoe nodded a stiff acknowledgement and turned at
once to Kenshin. “You didn’t tell me you were taking Kaoru riding this
morning.” Her voice betrayed jealousy and Kaoru wanted to cry out that there
was no need for it.
“A gentle amble isn’t called ‘riding’.” Kenshin’s eyes
gleamed at Kaoru mockingly and she knew he was remembering her hell-for-leather
style f horsemanship years ago when her only ambition was to outstrip him. “Hop
up, Tomoe, and we’ll let them stretch their legs for real this time.”
Tomoe sprang lithely into the saddle Kaoru had just
vacated. “10:00 suit you, Kaoru? I’ll pick you up then. ‘Bye.” Without waiting
for an answer, she cantered out of the yard, Kenshin following close behind,
leaving Kaoru feeling unjustifiably lonely.
The weather had brightened considerably by the time Tomoe’s sports
car swept into the drive. Her buoyant mood at Kenshin’s invitation to ride with
him seemed to have deserted her again, and the woman’s mood seemed to swing
between forced cheerfulness and preoccupied silence on the drive through the
lush country lanes. It was Saturday, and as expected, the streets were teeming
with shoppers.
Tomoe recommended what she considered to be the best
shop, but with a doubtful glance at her stylish clothes, Kaoru protested that
she needed something warm but not expensive.
“Oh, I don’t shop there myself.” Tomoe admitted. “At
least, only occasionally. But I’m sure they’ll be able to fix you up.”
Smiling without rancor at her companion’s
unintentionally crushing remark, Kaoru allowed herself to be overruled. She
bought two sweaters, one thick and one much lighter, a pair of warmer slacks
that would go with either of them, and a woolen blazer-style jacket.
Tomoe was riffling along a dress rack while Kaoru paid
for her purchases and drew out a cotton sundress in a lovely shade of sea
green.
“Thinking of buying it?” Kaoru asked.
“It’s not my size. It would fit you though.”
It was indeed a pretty dress, but with both the back
and the front scooped low, Kaoru knew it wasn’t for her. “No, I don’t think so,
Tomoe.”
Oddly, Tomoe looked pleased at her refusal to be
tempted. But Kaoru found herself wanting very much to have something pretty she
could change into in the evenings. Her eyes traveled along the rail, stopping
at a black silk shirt. “But something like this… this wouldn’t put anyone off
their food, would it?”
Of course Tomoe didn’t know what she was talking about
and Kaoru felt obliged to explain. “My back was burned in the bomb blast,
that’s why I could never wear anything as that green dress.”
Tomoe’s eyes rounded, but before she could comment,
the assistant said helpfully, “There’s a black skirt that’ll go perfectly with
that blouse.”
And it did, a skirt of fine Indian crimped cotton that
clung to her hips but swirled around her legs as she moved. “My, that really
does something for you!” The assistant also clasped a gold belt around her
waist and urged her into high-heeled black sandals.
Kaoru stared at the woman reflected in the mirror and
it was like looking at a stranger, someone almost – beautiful! The body of the
blouse was opaque and hid her disfigurement, the full sleeves were of a fine
chiffon that revealed the gleam of her skin and the plunging v-neckline was
softened by ruffles of the same fabric. A surge of amazed excitement went
through Kaoru that made her glow.
Kaoru found herself paying for her new clothes in a
daze, unaware that Tomoe had grown steadily more silent. “Now, what about your
errands?” Kaoru asked as they left the shop.
Tomoe looked at her blankly as if her mind had been
elsewhere. “That doesn’t matter. Let’s return, shall we?”
For all that Tomoe was hurrying, she made no attempt
to start the engine. She sat gripping the steering wheel staring straight
ahead, her body so stiff with tension. Kaoru glanced at her curiously. “Is
there something wrong? You seem worried about something.”
“Shouldn’t I be?” she challenged, her eyes defensive,
uncertain. It was only when she recognized Kaoru’s bewilderment as genuine that
she let her defensive gaze fall to her hands where she began to twist her
engagement ring.
“I’m sorry, maybe I’ve got things wrong,” she
muttered. “I hope I’ve got things wrong, only – Kaoru, I’ve got to ask. Just
what was there between you and Kenshin when you knew him before?”
The question seemed to echo and re-echo in her brain.
“Nothing!” Kaoru said in a strangled voice.
But Tomoe seized on her hesitation. “You don’t really
expect me to believe that, don’t you? I’m neither stupid nor blind. He – he’s
different since you came here, edgy, angry even. At first I thought it was
because he didn’t like you, but lately… He hardly seems to see me any more when
you’re there. He–”
Kaoru knew she had to stop this. She said fiercely.
“Don’t! Believe me, you’re upsetting yourself over nothing. Kenshin’s never
thought of me in the way you seem to imagine.”
“Am I imagining it? Are you saying there was never
anything between you and Kenshin?”
If no more damage was to be done, then Tomoe deserved
the truth, however much her own pride might suffer. “No, I can’t deny it,” she
said quietly. “But I can assure you that whatever there was between us was
entirely on my side. I was very young, Tomoe, younger than you are now, and I’d
hero-worshipped Kenshin since I was 13 years old, so it wasn’t surprising that
I fell in love with him.”
“And Kenshin?” Tomoe asked tensely. “Did he–?”
Kaoru took a deep breath to armor herself against the
truth that could still hurt. “Kenshin wasn’t very kind. He made it absolutely
clear he preferred far more sophisticated ladies, glamorous models usually.”
“I-I see.” Tomoe’s eyes were wide and searching but
there was sympathy and understanding there too. “He must have hurt you very
much. And you still love him – don’t you?”
Kaoru wanted to deny it, but the betraying color crept
up her cheeks. Had she really been that obvious? “Perhaps you should call it a
case of arrested development. Perhaps if things had been different and I’d been
in a position to fall in love with someone else, I’d have gotten him out of my
system but there’s been no room in my life for these relationships. So you see,
there’s no cause for you to worry. Kenshin didn’t return my feelings then, and
he certainly doesn’t now.”
She hoped the humbling of her pride would reassure
Tomoe but there was still doubt on the woman’s face. “I wish I could be sure of
that, Kaoru, but I’ve seen the way he looks at you.”
“You’re mistaken. He feels sorry for me, nothing more.
He knows I ruined my life with one stupid, irresponsible act.”
Still, Tomoe didn’t seem satisfied. “He said there had
been misunderstandings. I wondered–”
There were some thing Kaoru couldn’t tell her. “It’s a
long story and not really relevant anymore. But yes, someone did make mischief.
And Kenshin knows the truth now. But those misunderstandings couldn’t have
happened if he’d cared at all for me. I accepted that long ago.”
She leaned her head back against the seat and closed
her eyes to conceal just how painful that acceptance had been – still was.
“I’m sorry if I’ve upset you, Kaoru,” Tomoe said
uncertainly.
Slow anger began to churn through Kaoru. Why couldn’t
Tomoe have spoken to Kenshin? Did she have no imagination? No pity? She’d
already forced her to admit her love for Kenshin, couldn’t she see how unfair
it was to ask her for the reassurance she craved?
And then the anger was replaced by a painful
compassion. Tomoe was in love with Kenshin and Kaoru could identify with the
other girl’s uncertainty and pain.
“Oh, Kaoru, you don’t know how I had to screw up my
courage to have this talk with you, but I’m glad I did. You’re nice and I hated
feeling jealous of you.”
Kaoru felt quite wrung out by the time Tomoe dropped her off and
would have welcomed time to regain her composure but Yoshida was eager to see
her purchases.
“Oh I’m so glad you decided to buy something pretty,
Kaoru. It’ll be just the thing for you to wear tonight. Tomoe’s father is
coming to dinner.”
Kaoru looked so apprehensive that Yoshida laughed. “Oh
don’t worry dear.”
That night, Yoshida insisted adding a touch of make up
on Kaoru to make the transformation her new outfit made to her appearance
complete. She felt a stir of uneasiness as she stared at the unfamiliar image
in the mirror. But she had no choice but to comply, as Yoshida was eager to see
to her guests.
It was unfortunate that just as they reached the turn
in the stairs, Kenshin should be at the door admitting their guests. They all
looked up. The expression in those three pairs of eyes were varied: Tomoe
looked shocked and accusing, while the black-haired man at her side betrayed the
fact that he had expected something far different. But it was the expression on
Kenshin’s face that held her riveted gaze, an expression she had seen only once
before, that night at the summerhouse in Merrifields.
It was Yoshida who broke the spell that bound them
all. “Hajime! How nice to see you again.” She held out her hands in welcome as
Kaoru helped her down the remaining steps.
Kaoru hung back as the two greeted each other, but
then Yoshida was calling, “Kaoru, my dear, come and be introduced. This is
Tomoe’s father, Hajime Saitou Yukishiro.”
Whew! Haha! Yup, Saitou is my “surprise” character! I had to
change his last name though… )
Things will start to heat up again now! I can’t wait!
This is going to be so much fun!