A/N: Okay, I think this is the halfway mark, if I’m
not mistaken. Give or take a few. This is longer than others, all right! You
may read it now…
Disclaimer: I am. Not!
Altered Memory
Chapter 5 – Part I: Shedding Some Light
A week later, Kaoru was still waiting for
the opportunity to speak with Kenshin privately. Yoshida had kept her in be for
another two days. Kenshin had looked in politely to see her once or twice, it
was only when his aunt was also there.
The bandages were removed form her hands,
though still tender, they were healing nicely. And Dr. Taseki had finally given
her permission to get up, providing she rest when she felt she needed to.
On her first day, Yoshida and Meg had
fussed over her. Kenshin had left the house. He put in a brief appearance as
she sat with Yoshida sipping their pre-dinner drinks – Kaoru opting for apple
juice – but he went out again immediately and still hadn’t returned when she
went to bed. The following days repeated the same pattern, almost as if he was
deliberately avoiding her.
When she finally did run him to earth, it
was so unexpected she could only stand there gaping at him, everything she
wanted to say flying out of her head. She had come into the house from the
garden to fetch some more silks for Yoshida’s embroidery, to see him just
emerging from his study. He too stood still for a moment, then merely nodding
at her, made for the front door.
Seeing her opportunity slipping, Kaoru
said desperately, “Mr. Himura, could I speak to you please?”
His eyebrows rose, his mouth twisting in
bitter mockery. “You’ve been calling me Kenshin since you were thirteen years
old, so what’s all this ‘Mr. Himura’?”
She flushed. “I’m no longer a child and
you’re now my employer.”
“My aunt is your employer,” he corrected
her stiffly. “And I notice you don’t have any difficulty calling her Yoshida.”
“I’m sorry if you think I’m too familiar.”
“Oh, for pity’s sake!” He turned away,
changed his mind and turned back again, barking, “Well? What is it you want to
speak to me about?”
Kaoru hesitated, reluctant to reveal what
was on her mind in a place as the hall, but was reassured that Meg was busy
preparing lunch and wasn’t likely to interrupt them. “All this. The fact that
you don’t like me and can’t stand having me around in the first place,” she
said quietly. “I did tell your aunt it would be better if I left but she wouldn’t
hear of it. So I’m asking for your help, I’m sure you could think of a way to
let me leave without upsetting her.”
Instead of the curt agreement she had
expected, Kaoru found her wrist dragged bodily into his study. Finishing up in
a rush halfway across the room, she turned to see Kenshin leaning against the
closed door, breathing heavily.
“And what excuse do you suppose she would
accept?” he demanded. “Dr. Genzai told her you have no friends in England and
nowhere no go from here. She’ll think I’ve hounded you out. She’s already
called me to task for my behavior towards you. Or do you want to leave strife
behind you?”
All color drained from Kaoru’s face. “No!”
she gasped. “The last thing I want is to cause more trouble. I’ve already her
you were not to blame for my collapse.”
“It was very – generous of you under the
circumstances.” The apology seemed to be dragged out of him unwillingly. He
moved away from the door, all his earlier anger and antagonism seemed to have
left him. “Kaoru, you must see that I can’t possibly let you leave yet. Only a
few days ago, you were too weak to move, and whatever excuses you made to
Yoshida, I was responsible. She’d never forgive me if I turned you out now. And
quite frankly,” he added in an undertone, “I’d never forgive myself.”
Kaoru began to tremble inwardly. His
former hostility had helped her armor herself against him. Now it was gone, she
had no defense against the feelings that were overwhelming her. “But there
would be nothing to forgive,” she pleaded “I’m perfectly fit again now, and I
have enough money to keep myself until I can find another job.”
“No!” He turned angrily away from her to
the window and she followed him with widened eyes, startled at his vehemence.
“Why bother when you have perfectly good job here? Or isn’t Yoshida’s affection
for you reciprocated?” That mockery was back, and Kaoru flinched.
“I’m very fond of your aunt. She’s been
like a mother to me – how I’ve always dreamed a mother should be.” Immediately,
she regretted her unguarded reply for Kenshin spun around, his eyes narrowed.
“And that’s something else! Dr. Genzai
gave me chapter and verse of what you’ve been doing these last ten years, not
only your service but your hospital experience and your training. So if you
were nursing from the beginning, how did the story that you’d taken off for
America start?”
Kaoru swallowed hard, reluctant to accuse
her stepfather of lying. “If-if that’s what my stepfather wanted everyone to
think, it’s not surprising, is it? Not after the way I’d disgraced him.”
Kenshin moved towards her, his antagonism
back. “Oh no, Kaoru, I don’t buy that. He loved you, for god’s sake! If he
wanted to cover up your desertion of him, all he needed to do was tell the
truth – that you’d taken up nursing.”
“Then I have no explanation to offer.” The
lump in her throat made it difficult to speak as she thought of the only father
she had known. In return, she had hurt him. “Do – do you ever see him?” she
asked longingly. Perhaps he might be willing to see her again, if only so she
could tell him how sorry she was.
The sudden silence made her look up to see
a thunderstruck expression on Kenshin’s face. “I don’t know what damage that
bomb blast did to you but you can’t have forgotten Yukio died nearly six years
ago.”
There was a rushing sound in her ears and
the room began to swing slowly around her. The next moment, she was being
thrust into a chair and her head held down between her knees. When at last he
allowed her to sit up again, she stared at him. “Dead!”
“You really didn’t know?”
She shook her head. “How?”
He fought against the lost look in her
eyes swimming with tears. “Oh come on now. It can’t have come as a shock. Not
when you were aware of how ill he was before you disappeared. That’s what I
find difficult to understand, Kaoru. To be a good nurse – Dr. Genzai told me
you are – you need to have compassion. And yet you showed not an atom of
compassion for Yukio Mishima.”
Slowly, Kenshin’s words began to sink into
her. “Ill? But he was never ill.”
“Until he had that stroke a few days
before your trial, brought on, I might add, by worrying over you. Dear heaven,
Kaoru!” he exploded fiercely. “Couldn’t you have put your shame and humiliation
aside and gone to see him when he was asking for you?”
“He had a stroke! Why did no one tell me?
Oh god…” She buried her face in her hands. Why hadn’t Enishi told her? “You
can’t believe I’d have stayed away from him if I’d known!”
She sprang to her feet, she leaned against
the table to steady herself. The consequences of what she had done the night of
Misao’s party were still spreading ten years later, like ripples from a stone
dropped into a still pool.
“I didn’t know he was ill. I swear I
didn’t know.” Her voice was raw with emotion and the man watching her took an
involuntary step towards her.
“It – it just isn’t possible you didn’t
know. You lived in the same house, dammit!”
He was so sure of himself, Kaoru thought,
so certain he knew all the answers. And he didn’t. And now there was no reason
to keep silent. Yukio was dead and the truth couldn’t hurt him anymore.
“The last time I was in the house in
Bancroft Square was when I left it with Enishi to drive to Merrifields for
Misao’s party. I was in hospital until they discharged me in time for the
magistrate’s hearing, and that was the last time I saw my stepfather. I was
badly bruised and was still in a state of shock. Besides, apparently the house
in London had been besieged with reporters. So when Enishi suggested sending me
down to Cornwall to stay will his old nanny until I was due to appear in Crown
Court, my stepfather thought it was a good idea. I spoke to him on the
telephone a number of times during the weeks after and he sounded… I had no
idea…” Her voice faltered.
“I expected him to come and fetch me as
the day for the trial drew nearer. I-I was very frightened. But a couple of
days before, Enishi phoned to say I was to make my own way to Colchester by
train, telling me he’d booked me into a hotel to stay there overnight, but he
never said a word about his father being ill.”
Her blue eyes were blank, seeing only the
past. “I still expected to see Yukio the next day, but it was Enishi who came
to collect me and accompanied me to court. And when it was all over, he told me
his father had stayed away because I’d disgraced him and he wanted nothing more
to do with me.” She halted because even this time, she could still remember the
shock, the sense of being cast adrift like a boat without a rudder.
“Enishi told you?” Kenshin said sharply.
She nodded. “He said he’d been empowered
by his father to settle my fine and to give me a sum of money on condition I
never went home or tried to contact him again.”
“And you believed him?” Kenshin appeared
stunned and she couldn’t think why.
“Of course. I’d killed a child in a
drunken stupor, caused my stepfather’s name to be splashed all over the
newspapers. It was no more than I deserved to hear he was disowning me.”
“But that’s nonsense!” He looked angry and
baffled.
“Is it? You obviously thought it was
reason enough to cut off all contact with me. You – and Misao–” her voice broke
on a sob.
“You thought– It was nothing like that.
Besides, Misao was never told.” He stared at her helplessly.
“Did she have to be told when it was all
over the newspapers?” Her voice rose.
“It didn’t reach the Australian
newspapers.” His mouth tightened at her puzzlement. “I pressured Misao into
going to Australia to stay with relatives. My father phoned me with the news,
but I though it best to keep it from Misao.”
“Exactly. Because you no longer thought I
was suitable for her.” All the same, she was glad to know Misao hadn’t
deliberately severed their friendship.
“No,” he denied harshly. “Because if I’d
told her, she would have come back here with me and into Enishi’s influence
again. I left it to you to tell her as much or as little when you wrote to her
but you never answered her letters.”
“I never received any,” Kaoru said dully.
His explanation made sense. Misao had
known her love for Kenshin, so at seventeen, Misao had decided she was in love
with Enishi, telling Kaoru how wonderful it would be if they married the
other’s brother. Kenshin had disapproved of Enishi, who had a reputation for
wildness and unsavory friendships. Kaoru was quite sure Enishi didn’t return
Misao’s feelings.
Kenshin sighed. “I suppose as no one knew
where you’d gone, they could hardly have sent Misao’s letters on.”
“Enishi knew,” she said.
His eyes narrowed. “Enishi again.”
“Actually, he was quite kind to me,
helping me, bringing some of my stuff, promising to keep in touch, to let me
know if his father relented and was prepared to have me back.” She shivered.
“And all the time keeping back the most important thing – that his father was
ill.”
Her blue eyes were haunted as she bowed
her head. She whispered, “And now, I have two deaths on my conscience.”
I have to cut it there, sorry! Things are
starting to clear up but as I’ve said last time, only SOME things will be
cleared up. Because if everything will be cleared up, this fic will end
abruptly. Do you want that? Personally, I still want to write and so I want to
continue on. Ok?
Anyway, sneak peek time again…
“Well, you’re here now, so you’d better
get packed.”
“I’m sorry if you’re annoyed that I’ve
made myself at home here, but I never actually unpacked, so it won’t take a
minute to get my things.”