A/N: Darn! Why? I also don’t know why… I’m so weird
today! =)
Disclaimer: I’m not trying to claim
anything…
Altered Memory
Chapter 4 – Part III: Recovery
The silence stretched out but still Kaoru
couldn’t bring herself to raise her eyes.
“And Kenshin knows about this?” Yoshida
Soseki’s voice betrayed only surprise and Kaoru nodded miserably, believing the
other woman too well mannered to show her real feelings.
“It was at his sister’s eighteenth
birthday party that I got drunk,” she confessed in a whisper. “Misao and I had
been friends all throughout school and I was often at Merrifields during the
holidays – my stepfather was a diplomat and often out of the country – so I
used to know Kenshin quite well.”
“You’re Kaoru Mishima?” This time
Yoshida’s shock was unmistakable, and to Kaoru’s sensitive ear, had an accusing
ring.
“Yes,” she choked. “I’m sorry. Please
believe I never intended any deception. Kamiya was my real father’s name and I
went back to it after – after – it didn’t seem fair, you see, to go on using my
stepfather’s name after I’d brought such disgrace to him. And when I agreed to
come here, I had no idea you were in any way connected. Of course as soon as I
first heard Kenshin’s name mentioned, I realize now I should have told you he
wouldn’t welcome me here in your home, but I-I thought perhaps he wouldn’t
remember me. I hoped he wouldn’t. And then when he came home and didn’t appear
to know me, well I didn’t think he would care to be reminded.”
“But he obviously did recognize you and
set out to give you a hard time.” Yoshida’s voice was grim. “What I don’t
understand is why he should bear you such a grudge! He’s not normally so
intolerant or so lacking in imagination that he can’t appreciate how heavily
such a burden must weigh on the conscience of a girl like you.”
Kaoru was startled into raising her eyes
to the ones regarding her with compassion instead of the distaste she expected.
“You – You’re very forgiving. I-I thought–”
“You thought what you’ve just told me
would make a difference to the affection I have for you? My dear, give me
credit for a little humanity. I’d say you’ve spent the last ten years trying to
make reparation for that one fatal mistake. Would I be right?”
Kaoru nodded, warmed by the other woman’s
understanding and yet feeling wretchedly that she didn’t deserve it. Her
stepfather’s rejection, Kenshin and Misao’s sudden disappearance reinforced her
conviction that what she had done was so unforgivable that she had forfeited
the right to any understanding, sympathy or respect.
“Mrs. Soseki – Yoshida – I don’t want to
cause any more trouble. You must see it would be much better for everyone if we
just let the whole thing drop, if I just left quietly without any more being
said.”
“Leave! You most certainly will not leave.
You’re on my invitation and her you’ll stay until both I and Dr. Genzai
consider you fully fit again.”
“But Kenshin–” Kaoru protested.
“You just leave Kenshin to me. No more
arguments.” Yoshida hauled herself to her feet.
Kaoru had no alternative but to lie back
and sleep. She slept for the rest of the day and most of the next, waking only
for meal. By dinner on the third day, she was feeling much stronger, enough to
go to the bathroom unaided and feel wide awake. So when there was a tap on the
door and Tomoe asked if she was well enough to have a visitor, she welcomed her
eagerly… only to have a wave of weakness return when Kenshin followed his
fiancée into the room.
“You’re feeling better?” His voice was
clipped and the expression in his purple eyes was unreadable as he sat on the
window seat.
Kaoru moistened her dry lips, glad that
her high-necked cotton nightdress was anything but glamorous. “Th-thank you.
Much better.”
“Kenshin says you knocked yourself up
working in the vineyard.” Tomoe’s voice brought her focus to the woman sitting
on the chair beside her bed. “Whatever made you do that? I know you were
interested in wine-making, but wasn’t hoeing the vines carrying an interest to
far?”
At once, Kaoru’s eyes swung warily to Kenshin
as she thought of an answer, but he was gazing out the window and offered her
no clue. It was obvious he hadn’t told his fiancée he had ordered her to work
there. So she shrugged the question off with a light, “You could say that,” and
felt a measure of satisfaction in the startled movement of his head as it
jerked back towards her.
Tomoe laughed. “Oh Kaoru, you’re cool! But
then I suppose you have to be.”
“Do I?” Kaoru raised her eyebrows in
surprise.
“Well I mean… being one of Dr. Genzai’s
nurses. I understand you’ve been working for the relief agency for years?”
Tomoe asked in avid curiosity.
“Yes, for quite some time,” Kaoru answered
reluctantly, hoping her uncommunicative answer would deter any more questions.
It was vain hope. “Oh do tell me about it.
you must lead a very exciting life.”
“There’s nothing exciting about watching
sick and starving children die and being able to do little to prevent it,”
Kaoru said sharply, and then regretted her sharpness when Tomoe looked abashed.
“No, of course not. I’m sorry. It’s just
that – well, the kind of life you lead makes mine very ordinary. What countries
have you worked in, Kaoru?”
Ordinary? When she was loved by Kenshin?
When she was going to be his wife, was perhaps already his lover? She shook her
head to chase away the unpalatable thoughts. “Oh, several African countries –
Angola, Ethiopia–”
“Ethiopia?” Tomoe broke in. “Isn’t that
where some doctors and nurses were kidnapped by rebels? I saw something about
it on TV.”
Kaoru wasn’t really uncomfortable with the
questions but all the time, she was aware of the silent figure listening on the
window seat. “Yes. One of them was a friend of mine, though I was in Lebanon at
the time and didn’t know anything about it till it was over.”
Tomoe’s dark eyes were round with awe.
“That’s where you were injured, wasn’t it? I don’t know how you have the
courage to take on such dangerous work. You must be very brave.”
Kaoru’s hands clenched until the pain
reminded her of her blistered palms. “That’s utter rubbish. You couldn’t be
more wrong. The most familiar taste to me is the metallic taste of fear in my
mouth. I’ve often been sick with terror, wanting only to run to the nearest
bolthole. Once, during the siege of Beirut when we were getting the children –
all mentally or physically handicapped – down to the shelter during the raid, I
lost one of them, a little boy who’d wandered off into the compound not
realizing the danger he was in. I had to force myself to go after him, and then
I was so terrified I could only do it crawling on my hands and knees. Believe
me, I’m the biggest coward alive.”
“And yet you went back there,” a harsh
voice said from the window. “To admit your fears and yet to be prepared to face
those same fears again and again hardly smacks of cowardice.”
Stunned and embarrassed by what was almost
an accolade, her gaze locked with his.
“Well, I almost I couldn’t it.” Tomoe’s
unashamed candor defused the tension that had leapt up to crackle between them
and Kenshin looked away. “Neither you could, sweetheart.”