A/N: This is an AU story so expect the characters to be OOC. I’ve warned you so don’t go asking why they act that way. =) KENSHIN will make an appearance probably on Chapter 4 or 5, I’m not yet sure. Right now, first few chapters will focus on KAORU. Anyway, for a SNEAK PREVIEW of their meeting, scroll down to the end. I swear this is a good story! And NO FLAMES because frankly, I will only laugh at you! Hahahaha!

Disclaimer: We cannot have everything that we want in this world.

Altered Memory

Chapter 1 - Part I: The Meeting

The face in the mirror still seemed that of a stranger and gave Kaoru Kamiya a mild shock every time she caught a glimpse. Not that the hospital ward was over-endowed with mirrors, but here in the bathroom where she was now allowed to bath unaided, she wiped the misting of steam away and studied her new image.

The tan acquired by years working in hot climates had faded during the weeks in the London hospital, but apart from her unfamiliar paleness, from the front her body looked much as it always had done. The breaks in her arm and collarbone had mended without a trace and her figure was slender and boyish; small, high, tip-tilted breasts, flat stomach, not an ounce of spare flesh on the slight curves of her hips. It was only when she twisted round she could see the disfigurement of her back. The burns had healed well and the plastic surgeon had done a splendid job, but as yet, the scars he had assured her would fade in time were still livid.

It was her hair that had effected the greatest transformation in her appearance. As a child, she had always worn it long; her black hair reaching down past her shoulders with bangs framing her face. In the last six years, she lived and worked where hairdressing facilities were unknown, her hair grew longer and she wore it coiled at the back of her head for coolness. But her injuries had necessitated the shaving of her head and though the new growth was hiding the scars on her scalp, it was difficult to accustom herself to the sight of the short, straight hair framing her pointed-chinned face, a face that somehow seemed all eyes.

It made her look nearer eighteen than her actual twenty-eight years, she thought wryly, which might have been something to be pleased about if she had cared about her appearance. But she always had more important things to worry about than that. Even now, worry lurked in the depths of her huge, blue eyes, and though it was trivial compared to the heartbreaking problems that usually occupied her energies in her job as a nurse working for an international relief agency, she couldn’t deny the worry was there.

It was a new experience for Kaoru to be concerned for herself. Ever since she had qualified as a nurse, she had devoted herself to children in need, offering her services to the relief agency and going wherever they sent her, to whatever inhospitable part of the world where the tide of war and famine had tossed up a flotsam of unwanted and helpless humanity. She had been in no position to protest about being brought to England for medical care after she had been caught in the blast of an exploding shell in a street in Beirut, but she had always assumed that once she had recovered from her injuries, she would be sent back there or to some other distressed part of the world where she could be of some use. But only two days ago, Dr. Genzai had disabused her of that assumption.

Dr. Genzai was a director of a relief agency and Kaoru had contacted him as soon as she had been told her discharge from the hospital was imminent. She has expected a note from him giving her a date and time when she should call to see him, but he had surprised her by coming to the hospital to see her, borrowing the Sister’s office to talk to her privately.

After exchanging greetings, he said sympathetically, “I must say you don’t look too bad considering what you’ve been through, Kaoru. It was rotten luck after coming unscathed through the siege of Beirut to get caught up in the fighting again.”

A haunted expression flickered across Kaoru’s face as the ugly memory she had disciplined herself to blot out was brought forcibly back. “At least I’m still alive,” she said in a low voice.

Dr. Genzai gray head nodded in agreement. “You’re referring to your companion who wasn’t so lucky. I’m sorry, my dear. It was particularly tragic in circumstances.”

And particularly unfair, Kaoru found herself thinking. If one of them had to die, why couldn’t it have been herself? An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth… Why had it been Keiko who had led a blameless existence and who had everything to live for? But it was no good brooding on the injustice of fate.

She thrust the black thoughts from her and said briskly, “Do you want me back in Beirut or is it to be somewhere else this time?”

“I want you in any of half a dozen places, Kaoru.” He leaned back in his chair, his sharp gaze assessing her shrewdly. “But I know I’m going to have to wait.”

Kaoru frowned. “I’m sorry, I don’t understand. The hospital will be discharging me any day now.”

“So I’m told. But my dear girl, you can’t seriously believe you can go straight back to the conditions you usually work under – after the injuries you received?”

Pure cowardice at the thought of the uneasy peace in Beirut that could still bring the city under fire and leave it at the mercy of warring factions, brought a tremor to the hands clasped loosely in her lap before she could bring it under control. “That’s nonsense. I’m perfectly fit now, but if it makes you any happier, I’ll have a couple of weeks’ holiday before I take up a new assignment.”

She saw his skeptical eyes were on her hands, which still betrayed a tremor and she clasped them tighter. But then to her amazement, he said, “All right, Kaoru, that’s all for now. You can go.”

She stared at him blankly, “Go?”

He nodded towards the door in brusque dismissal.

She stood up. “But Dr. Genzai-” His head was bent over a folder on the desk in front of him and he didn’t look up. In acute bewilderment, she walked slowly to the door but as her hand reached for the knob, a loud crash behind her had her instinctively cringing against the panels, her arms protectively over her head.

Firm hands on her shaking shoulders pulled her upright and thrust her back into her chair. “I’m sorry, my dear, that was a dirty trick to play on you, but if a glass hitting a tiled floor can provoke such an extreme reaction from you, even you will have to admit you’re not as fit as you claim to be.”

Kaoru watched mutely as he bent to clear up the shattered pieces of the tumbler he had deliberately thrown to the floor, bitterly ashamed of the shivers of shock that were making her whole body shake but powerless to stop them.

He dropped the pieces in the waste bin and straightened. “How long is it you’ve been working for the agency? Six years?” And when Kaoru nodded, he went on, “Six years of privation, six years of working under impossible conditions, often on barely subsistent rations and sometimes in great physical danger, witnessing the most harrowing sights imaginable, sights that would man a strong man quail. Six years without a break.”

“I’ve had my leaves,” Kaoru shakily protested.

“Which were invariably spent in whichever country you happened to be living in. when did you last spend a leave in England?”

Kaoru tried to shrug her shoulders, but they were still shaking too much to make it look convincing, “Eighteen months, perhaps. Before I went to Beirut.”

Dr. Genzai was more familiar with Kaoru’s record than she was aware and he knew her last break in England had been three years ago, and then had only been a mere three weeks. He looked at the fine boned young woman in front of him and wondered, not for the first time, at the incredible dedication and sense of purpose that had led her into the work she was doing, that was prompting her back to it now, when most young women would have considered they’d done their bit after such long service and such a close brush with death. He wondered too how she could have reached her late twenties without some man sweeping her off her feet and giving her a family of her own to dedicate her life to. The slender figure and narrow hands and feet, the entirely deceptive fragility put him in mind of a highly bred racehorse, and her heart-shaped face with the huge sapphire eyes was infinitely appealing, touching the male provocative instinct.

“And how much longer do you think you can go on without cracking up?” he demanded, his concern making his voice rougher than it should have been. “Even if you hadn’t gone through the traumatic experience of being caught in a bomb blast, I’d say it was time you took a long break. As it is, you’ve barely recovered yet from your injuries and your nerves are shot to pieces. It’s not something a fortnight’s holiday is going to cure. You need at least three months convalescence, Kaoru, preferably six. And then I’d be happier if you took a less taxing job back here in Britain.”

Kaoru stared at him feeling a different kind of shock. “You’re telling me the agency no longer wants to employ me?” Her mouth felt dry and she only got the question out with difficulty. This was something that hadn’t occurred to her, that she would no longer be considered fit to work.

“It isn’t a matter of us wanting you or not.” Dr. Genzai found the stunned gaze of those large eyes disquieting. “It’s you I’m thinking of, my dear. You’ve been pouring yourself out for other people far too long. It’s time you made some sort of a life of your own.”

“But it is my life. For the last ten years, I’ve never wanted to do anything else.” There was a note of desperation in her argument that the doctor was quick to notice. She sat forward on the edge of her chair as she went on fiercely, “And what about the children I’ve been caring for? You talk about the hazards and privations I’ve been working under; they have no alternative but to face those same hazards everyday of their lives. Is someone going to suggest they come to Britain for a break? And do you really think I could live with myself if I took a safe, comfortable job here, knowing all over the world children are dying for the lack of a little skilled care?”

“I do know you have a very acute social conscience.” The doctor was studying his hands but brought his head up quickly to fix her with his penetrating gaze. “I’ve often wondered why.”

His soft voice hit her like a blow and she flinched visibly, the sense of guilt that was always on the periphery of her consciousness suddenly weighing unbearably heavy. The little girl would have been eighteen by now, blooming into womanhood, perhaps falling in love; the same age she herself had been when she had criminally and irresponsibly taken that young life.

“Kaoru, you can’t cure the ills of this benighted world single-handed,” Dr. Genzai said at last when it became obvious she wasn’t going to break her silence. “You’ve done more than enough for suffering humanity in the last six years.”

Kaoru knew there were children living now who would have died but for her nursing care. But it wasn’t enough. No matter how many young lives she had a small hand in saving from sickness and starvation, it would never pay off her debt, never be adequate reparation for the life she had taken that night ten years ago.

“But what will I do if the agency sacks me?” She wasn’t aware she had spoken aloud until the doctor said with a touch of impatience.

“There’s no question of us sacking you, Kaoru. Heaven knows we need nurses of your caliber. But there’s no way we’re going to send you on another assignment yet.” His voice hardened at the stricken look on her face. “Surely, I don’t have to point out to you of all people just how much of a liability you’d be to the rest of the team while you’re still in this weakened and shocked state.”

Her head bowed. “I’m sorry,” she said huskily. “You’re right, of course. I’m afraid I was being selfish and only looking at it from my own point of view.”

“Selfish! I only wish you would be selfish. In fact, I heartily recommend that you do think about yourself for once.” Dr. Genzai relaxed back in his chair, returning to his usual affability now he had won his point. “Give yourself a long break, Kaoru. At least six months convalescence, and then if you’re still of the same mind and want to stay with the agency, come and see me again.”

It was something in Kaoru’s lost look as she rose and thanked him politely for sparing his time that prompted him to add, “Maybe you should give me the address of where you’ll be staying.” It occurred to him that as Kaoru had spent so little time in Britain these last six years she might not be very close to her family, and that a word to them that a little spoiling wouldn’t come amiss might be appropriate.

The big blue eyes were blank. “I’m sorry but I’ve no idea where it will be.”

“You’ve no family to take care of you?” he asked sharply.

Even as she shook her head, she was thinking of her mother, still living, she supposed, somewhere in America. But even if Kaoru had known where to find her, she knew she could expect no care from that quarter. To her mother, she had never been anything other than a nuisance, an unwanted responsibility, leaving her daughter in the care of her adoptive stepfather while she went off to America with her lover. And since then, Kaoru had neither seen nor heard from her.

Her stepfather… Kaoru closed her eyes momentarily because that could still hurt even after ten years. She had loved Yukio Mishima very much, finding with him the only secure home she could ever remember, an affection her starved young heart had craved, even if his son, Enishi, her stepbrother, had often done his best to spoil their relationship. She had been over the moon with happiness when Yukio had legally adopted her and given her the right to bear his name, Mishima, instead of her own father’s name of Kamiya, a father she didn’t remember. But she had brought disgrace to her stepfather’s name. She couldn’t blame him for disowning her after what she had done, but even so far distant in time the feeling of pain and loss was still sharp.

“No, I have no family,” she said dully.

“Friends?” Dr. Genzai looked hopeful.

Again, Kaoru shook her head, smiling faintly this time. “A few acquaintances I might look up, nut no one close enough to impose myself on for six months! Don’t worry, Dr. Genzai, I’ll ask the almoner here if she can help me find some inexpensive digs. I should have enough money to keep myself for a month or so. After that, I’ll find myself light work of some kind.”

The director of the relief agency swore so extensively that Kaoru’s eyes widened. “I’m sorry,” he apologized for his colorful burst of language, “but that isn’t the kind of convalescence I had in mind for you. What you need is complete relaxation and freedom from worry, with plenty of gentle exercise in clean, fresh air.”

Kaoru had to admit it sounded like paradise, but she smiled at him wryly. “A large proportion of the world’s population need that but have even less chance of getting it than I do.”

“You will,” the doctor vowed, and Kaoru was startled by his vehemence. “I’ve no idea how, but you will. Just leave it to me, Kaoru. I’ll think of something and I’ll be in touch.”

There you have it, folks! But that’s only part 1 of chapter 1. There will be more of Kaoru and Dr. Genzai (what is his name, by the way?) in part 2 of chapter 1. I just felt like ending it on that note.

So how was it? Well, I promised a sneak preview, right? Here goes… dialogues only. (I’m such a tease!)

“Yoshida, look what I’ve f–”

“Kaoru, isn’t this a surprise, Kenshin turning up days before we expected him? You’ll have guessed, Kaoru, that this is the nephew I’ve been boring on about all week. Kenshin, meet my nurse and congenial companion, Kaoru Kamiya.”

“A two-way surprise, Miss–Kamiya.”

I will be giving previews every time I update but my previews will be random, not necessarily for the next chapter.

Think about that last line (Kenshin’s)… clue: why is there a hyphen in between Miss and Kamiya? (it just baffles the mind!)

Well, that’s all there is for today! REVIEW! I promise I’ll write faster if y’all review! Till next time!

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